After a long and, at times, turbulent negotiation with A.S.O, Manual for Speed is proud to announce the introduction of the Most Animal Classification Jersey11A panel of experts—Eddie Merkcx, Vance Larmstrong, Marco Pantani, Mario Cippiloini, Roger De Vlaeminck and Sean Kelly—will award points on the basis of style, swagger, and grit. The Most Animal Jersey will be awarded at the end of the race. into the Tour de France. However, because the race is absurdly, fantastically and inconceivably long, we will be issuing points weekly, not daily. What follows is the 2016 Tour de France Week One Most Animal points ceremony.22Most Animal art by Steve Hockett.
JARLINSON PANTANO: 4 pts
It’s raining on the final climb, then the hail starts. Lesser riders succumb to the elements, but not Jarlinson Pantano. He chose to trade his gloves for an umbrella with a man on the side of the road, finishing the day in style.
ADAM YATES: 3 pts
The one-kilometer-to-go inflatable went down like a prop for a third-rate Viagra commercial, taking Yates down with him. He got himself some stitches and finished out the week riding with the best climbers in the world.
OLEG TINKOV: 1 pts
He’s a quote-producing machine created by a clandestine Russian government program (we think). While being interviewed by NBC Sports, he said something to the effect of, “Oh, any Americans watching this… please come and fix this sport, because these Europeans don’t know how to do anything”. Sounds like he’s asking Manual for Speed to intervene and make cycling great again!
CHRIS FROOME: 1 pts
When fans in costume get too close for comfort during mountain stages, some pros hesitate to rectify the situation. Not the case with Chris Froome, who landed a powerful slap/elbow combo as a fan’s flag threatened to go into his front wheel.
Week One Standings
- Jarlinson Pantano: 4 points
- Adam Yates: 3 points
- Oleg Tinkov: 1 points
- Chris Froome: 1 points