2015 Cross Vegas
cyclocross

2015 Cross Vegas

Wednesday - September 16, 2015 - Las Vegas, NV

If you have a television (other display-devices are acceptable) and you used it to watch this race from home, you have an Unfair Advantage.

TABLE OF CONTENTS MFS TEAM
Layer_9
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Owner/Operator, Photographer, Writer and Publisher
Layer_5
Emiliano Granado
Owner/Operator, Photographer and Photo Editor
Layer_2
Kyle Von Hoetzendorff
Writer, Editor
RACE BIBLE
START

Las Vegas Soccer Amusement Park

FINISH

Las Vegas Soccer Amusement Park

DISTANCE

2.07 mi laps; 45 minutes (Women), 65 minutes (Men)

KOMS

n/a

SPRINTS

n/a

WINNING TIME

0:49:17 (Women), 1:07:00 (Men)

TOP 3 FINISHERS

Women:

  1. Katerina Nash
  2. Eva Lechner
  3. Sanne Cant

Men:

  1. Wout Van Aert
  2. Sven Nys
  3. Michael Van Thourenhot
TOP 3 GC STANDINGS

n/a

COURSE DESCRIPTION [OFFICIAL]

10% Pavement/90% Grass
The course will have a double pit.
Course features included two (2) flyovers, four (4) sets of stairs, one (1) sand pit, one (1) ramp, one (1) set of barriers.
NOTE: The area is a flood detention basin subject to high water on rare occasions. In the case of flooding the area should be evacuated using the Park Exits indicated on the map.

MANUAL FOR SPEED BIBLE
TIME OF FILING

3:58 AM

ACCOMMODATION

La Quinta Inn on Paradise Rd (NOT on Tropicana)

WIFI DETAILS
You know, sometimes a place will just surprise you. This La Quinta appears to have been constructed over a long time, with addition after addition tacked on throughout the years. Because of this, the peeling wallpaper, the stained floors, the egregious amounts of broken car window glass in the parking lot, the unnecessarily aggressive airport shuttle driver and the hordes of Eastern Europeans roaming the halls screaming at each other while they dig through sauce-stained styrofoam containers containing noxious smelling food, I wasn’t expecting much from the wifi. I was ready for stoneage wifi, I was prepared for 56k. I was looking for my ink blotter and calling in the Carrier Pigeons. But you know what? The wifi here is ace! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, this is a flim-flam town par excellence, with all its Chris Angels and David Copperfields I guess in this town illusion is just part of the game.
WEATHER
Just a little bit cold brought to you by some desert winds.
NUMBER OF STEPS

n/a

TODAY'S OBJECTIVES
  1. Go to the USA bicycle and bicycle parts presentation window display exhibition. ✓
  2. Shoot the Las Vegas Soccer Park Drinking Contest. ✓
  3. Over pay for Mexican food. ✓
  4. Fall back in love with the Cyclocross Tournament format. X
COURSE DESCRIPTION [UNOFFICIAL]

First off, this is supposed to be a soccer complex but there are hills, troughs, and little gullies running all over the place, so it’s pretty hard to get a read on how they would play standard soccer in this undulating endoplasmic reticulum of a field. But this self-same cell biology knock-off soccer field is actually a swell venue for a cyclocross tournament event. There is the brown dead grass, grass that Manual for Speed heard multiple people describe as feeling like one was riding on Velcro. That’s good right, oodles of traction. Then there is dust from the surrounding desert your body uses to stifle the wet viscosity of your lungs, again this is great right? Then there are the drinkers, the cowbells, and the beautiful dead blue light shining down on you. So overall the venue is splendid.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #1

Cowbells are a nuisance—hey, if you have a cow or cows and live in a foggy or misty place and need to locate your cows, by all means, have at the cowbells—so if you want to cheer on a rider, I have an idea that I want to share with you: just cheer them on. Like, “Yeah go [insert name or description here]!” or “Pedal Pedal Pedal!” or “Come on!!!” or whatever. But let’s use a human voice for human motivation. Haranguing riders with cowbells needs to stop. The clanging tinny cacophony of these bovine alarms more closely mimics the abrasive grating of a trainwreck then any normal way one empathetic human would attempt to motivate a fellow human.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #2

True Religion Jeans continue to dominate the cycling industry’s butts.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #3

$7 Chipotle is better than $18 Casino/Tradeshow Mexican.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #4

Cross Vegas hired a knockoff Dave Towle to announce, and my, how the race suffered because of it.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #5

The world’s best cyclocross racers are faster than the industry racers. Seems pretty straightforward, yet this was something to be marveled at.

MEAL & FOOD REPORT

Starbucks for breakfast. Mexican for lunch. Mexican for dinner.

RETRACTIONS/CORRECTIONS/APOLOGIES

To the guy scrounging for 75 cents outside of the Chipotle: I lied, I had it, you were just such an arrogant prick about it that I didn’t’ want to give it to you, I still don’t, but I thought now it would be safe to let you know that I lied, just to rub it in.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Boners are NOT the problem."
-Greg Johnson
"You call that a low point, but it’s more of a cherry on top of venereal disease."
-Emiliano Granado
IDear MFS Readers

Hey guys. I know what you might be thinking: that we are down on this race. Well, we are. I mean sure, it’s a big deal, lots of talent flew all the way to Vegas, the epicenter for American cyclocross, and that’s cool I guess. And I guess you could say that the desert delivered dry brown grass, sundowner winds and fake sand—IDEAL cyclocross. But there was something missing. I don’t know if I can put my finger on it exactly, but I’ll throw out a few ideas, and you let me know if anything sticks:

 

  • How about being yelled at by a parking attendant to use a mysterious crosswalk somewhere in the middle of a flat gravel parking lot, derided for not partaking in this ley line scavenger hunt kinda just set the tone to bummer.
  • Then while gathering our media kit, I watched a woman simultaneously devour a huge burrito, a strawberry covered waffle, one of those huge pony keg sized soft drinks, all the while snorting oxygen through a tube from a tank, so this gives me that bummed on American excess vibe. Vegas right.
  • Afterwards I just walk around. Hey, there were probably funny things happening, and funny things being said, but you know I didn’t hear/see too many (read nothing of note). This is as much my fault as it is yours. I had my little notebook, I had my pen, I didn’t do any drinks, I kept my eyes peeled, my ears attuned. I wanted to experience something great. I didn’t.
  • Meanwhile these laps took forever, I know that these guys weren’t going slow, because they are the best in the world, but damn it there were some serious gaps to contend with.
  • Plus you had those awful lights beaming down on you the whole time, like you were stuck in some mousetrap prison yard, and the passage wardens were really aggro with their gesticulating, which ups the stress level, and for the most part people are boozing and getting loud and whatever which is fine I guess, but I wanted to be at the party too and I wasn’t because I was trying to take notes, and we had that little scrum in the car, and the lighting was bad, and there was this fake Dave Towle spewing uninspired metaphors into the dry night air.

 

Anyway, I didn’t have the best time. I hope you did. Team MFS discussed this back at the La Quinta Office after my keycard quest (see below). We all pretty much shared the vibe, but then after looking at the photos we thought, hey these photos aren’t that bad, this race looks all right. So Dear Readers, look at the photos, there’s something to them.

AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE™

Television. If you have a television (other display-devices are acceptable) and you used it to watch this race from home, you have an Unfair Advantage.

IITonight's Highs & Lows
HIGH POINTS
  • Chipotle food pile bucket for dinner.

  • Three mini bottles of Sutter Home Pinot Noir.

  • When #fixiefamous Chris/Dominican Chris borrowed Emiliano’s camera and photo vest so he could cut to the front of the bathroom line.

  • Falling asleep (this high point pending).

LOW POINTS
  • Standing under halogen lights both inside during the tradeshow and outside during the race show.

  • Having to walk through all of the La Quinta Inn’s add-on sections once back to our hotel around 11:30 only to go back so the staff could fix our key because it failed to open our door.

  • True Religion.

  • Standing.

  • When fixiefamous Chris/Dominican Chris left Emiliano’s camera on the ground in front of the port-a-potty where everyone puts the bottoms of their shoes that had just been touching the bottom of a port-a-potty that was definitely covered in a puddle of pee overspray.

  • Realizing that my camera did not have a camera strap, meaning I would not only have to photograph this event but hold my camera in my hand the entire time. – EG

IIIA Brief Conversation Overheard

This is a conversation overheard between two True Religion bro’s who were gobblin’ tacos while watching the women’s race. Let’s call them Doug and Jerry (Jer for short).

 

  • Doug: “Katy fucking Compton!”
  • Jer: “Last year, they threw beer and got in trouble. Which really you shouldn’t throw beer anyway.”
  • Doug: “Cilantro takes the edge off of jalapeños.”
  • Jer: “I used to think Del Taco’s sauce was hot.”
  • Doug: “Is Road Bike Action the same as Mountain Bike Action?” (Author’s note, this is a deep question, and one worth diving into, unfortunately high number 3 awaits so we’ll have to revisit this another time.”
  • Jer: “I like the tech and spec section.”
  • Doug: “It will be interesting to study and look at the pro bikes and see how many are 1×1.”
  • Jer: “I like the idea of forcing them to get off.”
IVPre-Race
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VWomen's Race
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VIMen's Race
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VIIPost-Race
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