Fan Club: Joe Lewis
fan-club

Fan Club: Joe Lewis

For those of you who aren’t Joe Lewis, get ready to update your fantasy team because this Joe Lewis Fan Club is going to give you unfiltered access into the mind of your new favorite rider.

IIntroduction
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In the world of magnets, opposites attract. If you ask an armchair psychologist they’ll tell you the same thing about human relationships. But when it comes to Manual for Speed, that rule does not apply. As we have come to understand, we are a beacon of hope for road racing’s eccentric, a bastion for the peloton’s profane. We proudly carry this weight and we are happiest when pushing limits—but this isn’t a one way relationship, Manual for Speed exists in large part thanks to the existence of these road racing unicorns, special personalities who have spent near infinite hours in the saddle of a bicycle contemplating the bric and the brac of our world.

 

If you’re the handsome, whimsical, and exceedingly clever Joe Lewis you might have mulled over why the band Hanson so good. The ancient practice of fart hoarding. The existence of God. Or the best place on eBay to find cat t-shirts. If you’re Joe Lewis you might have beautiful hair, wonderfully shaped calves, and the wit of a seasoned stand-up. If you’re Joe Lewis then you already know how great you are. For those of you who aren’t Joe Lewis, get ready to update your fantasy team because this Joe Lewis Fan Club is going to give you unfiltered access into the mind of your new favorite rider.

IITwenty & Seven™ Questions with Joe Lewis
“I’ve just finished packing for the Joe Martin stage race and am feeling particularly manic, proceed with caution.”Joe Lewis

 

Number 01SHOW QUESTION
Who is Joe Lewis?

 

Ugh, me? I’m sure it’s a bunch of other people too because I have kind of a common name. It’s not like my name is particularly tropical or even that foreign, but whatever. It’s the name of the eldest son of Brian and Megan Lewis, garlic farming chiropractors from Gloucester, NSW, Australia. Occasionally he is a professional cyclist for the Holowesko Citadel cycling team.

 

Number 02SHOW QUESTION
In your own words can you please describe and rank your top five favorite parts of a bicycle, (e.g. – the saw blade — for cutting into your calves)?

 

  1. Pizza Cutters: this new phenomenon that makes people hate each other on the internet. Placed ingeniously in the centre of the wheel in case you are riding in Italy and need to stop for some pizza, these babies are the source of much controversy, as cyclists are adverse to food and may consume too many calories if their food is too adequately portioned. Topping off the benefits of these puppies, you have two on a standard bicycle and three on a tricycle in case you need to lend to a friend.
  2. Couch- Adequately named by world class reverse canoer Ed white of GPM (a Amateur professional cycling team from NSW, Aus. AkA Team Loose) the couch is where you sit. You get comfy couches and less comfy couches and when you’re done with them standard practice is to place them on the curb and burn them.
  3. Name sticker- Placed on the top bar of my Felt F1 this cute little piece reminds me of my name and nationality and provides me with a sense of self that is sometimes lost in this cold hard world we live in.
  4. Hula hoops- attach to the metal sticks and short rolling pins between our two dropouts, these provide a mounting surface for the hoop-balloons which are filled with tube wind. With the combined engineering of these marvels of engineering greatness we can roll on our bicycle with little to no resistance provided the bike it placed in the correct plane relative to the ground.
  5. Saw blades- in the centre of your bike, great for defending yourself from grizzly bears.

 

Number 03SHOW QUESTION
What was the first poster you ever hung up in your room?
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Number 04SHOW QUESTION
Why do you love Arnold Schwarzenegger, and what is your favorite Arnold movie?

Arnold is a badass, he was a poor farm boy from Austria who became the most recognizable figure in bodybuilding and then the governor of California. Thats nothing to scoff at. Pumping Iron is the best, watch it. NOW.

mfs_joe_ahnahld

 

Number 04SHOW QUESTION
Would you ever wear an undershirt that says ‘Joe is Numero Uno’ during a race, like the t-shirt that Arnold wears in “Pumping Iron,” so you could reveal it for the first time upon crossing the finish line?

 

I think I’d probably rather something that said, like, “steak is numero uno” or a hard-hitting political statement like “mum for president.”

 

Number 05SHOW QUESTION
Did you ever pause the scene in ‘Total Recall’ where the lady has three boobs?

 

Joe’s not here, he’s out trying to buy a VHS and find the last existing blockbuster to rent Total Recall.

 

 

Number 06SHOW QUESTION
How hard is it to deal with everyone’s laughter when you go out rollerblading?

 

2/100. I’m totally at ease with my sexuality.

 

Number 07SHOW QUESTION
Do you take offense to the terms ‘fruitboots’ or ‘fruit-booting’?

 

I like both boots and fruit, and I take no offense to either of those terms. Even when combined.

 

Number 08SHOW QUESTION
You identify as an atheist. The mostly highly thought-of text on the matter is, of course, ‘Atheism For Dummies.’ In that book, atheists are split into different subsets. Which of the following do you feel the most kinship with? Anti-theists – atheists who actively oppose religion and work toward a world without it, Accommodationists – atheists who emphasize the common ground between the religious and nonreligious rather than the differences, Agnostics – people who emphasize their uncertainty about the question of God’s existence and often claim that it’s unknowable, Humanists – people who focus on how to live a good human life in a natural universe, Religious Atheists – including many Buddhists, Hindus, Unitarians, and Jains who keep their religious identities and philosophies without bothering any gods, Freethinkers – people who form their opinions about the universe without the undue influence of religious authority, Unaffiliated or “None” – they’re not religious, but generally not interested in any label at all, thank you very much.

 

I’d go for a combination of Anti-theist and Humanist, I feel like religion really misses the point and most people believe out of fear. I don’t need a god or the thought of punishment to be a good person, I (try to) do it because being shitty makes me feel shitty. There’s a fake morality in religion that I really dislike, you’re not ethically or morally superior to me if you believe in a god. We all live, we all die. Every status symbol we recognize is of human construct and none of it matters, we’re all sacks of meat with a consciousness. We’re all the same so be nice to each other.

 

On the anti-theist side of things. I do actively oppose religion, but only when religious beliefs start to encroach on human rights. I don’t care what imaginary friend you have but I do care when you act on the instructions from it and actively try and control others (gay marriage, abortion, Mississippi’s ‘religious freedom laws’).

 

 

Number 09SHOW QUESTION
You are a fan of clothing and fashion. What is your favorite store to go shopping in?

 

I just search eBay for cat shirts.

 

Number 10SHOW QUESTION
If MFS gave you a magic credit card, with which you could buy one single piece of attire, of any cost, what would you buy?

One of these and a second pair of Heelys. (I know, I know; you said one, but I never ask for anything. Pleeeeeaaaase.)

 

 

Number 11SHOW QUESTION
Do your friends back in Australia think it’s weird that you follow and enjoy (American) football?

 

There’s another type? GO BRONCOS WORLDCHAMPIOONSSSSSSSSSSSS #NOWECAMNT

 

 

Number 12SHOW QUESTION
What is your take on the use of a mankad run-out in cricket?

 

The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

 

Number 13SHOW QUESTION
Will you draw us a picture of a bike and name all the parts, like diagram it for us?

 

No.

 

Number 14SHOW QUESTION
If we asked you to, would you record yourself reading a passage from your favorite book, and send the recording to us?

 

Dude for sure, but I’ll have to find it first.

 

Number 15SHOW QUESTION
What’s the best move you’ve ever done in a bike race. Like, what is your proudest moment racing professionally?

 

In all seriousness, probably being a part of the world championships team in 2010, representing my home country and helping my friend and now badass pro tour pro Michael Matthews win a world championship. In the spirit of the interview, it was when I was peeing in Gila and a crash happened in front of me, I went over the top and didn’t get any pee on myself.

 

Number 16SHOW QUESTION
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done in a race?

 

Dude, so many things. Anytime I’ve crashed and taken people down with me, or when I was 16 and saluted for the wrong line at the Central Coast Junior Tour. But man, I’m sure there are people out there that can remember other dumb stuff I’ve done.

manualforspeed_fanclubs_joelewis-03
Number 17SHOW QUESTION
Who’s your favorite dude(s) to talk to in the peleton. What do you guys talk about in there?

 

He hasn’t been in there for a while but Alder Martz is good to hang with. We shoot the shit and plan our #jalder world takeover.

 

Or

 

Taylor Phinney, ya boiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Mostly we just talk about what stuff we gonna do when we get back to Boulder. #home #thebest #bubble.

 

Or

 

My director TC, going back to the car is fun. Sometimes I just go back and ask him what he’s thinking about, or questions about life.

 

Number 18SHOW QUESTION
What’s the strangest/lamest/funniest/craziest thing you’ve ever heard in there? You can leave out the names and dates and whatnot to preserve whoever’s anonymity. Or not.

 

Man, the crash in Gila. I was tailgunning, tryna’ get some bottles from the car and people just started eating it everywhere. I slid my tyre for ages and somehow came to a stop while the world collapsed around me, it was complete carnage and there were some seriously hurt dudes.

 

Number 19SHOW QUESTION
Has anyone ever accused you of curling your eyelashes?

 

Totally, but mostly it’s just older women trying to flirt with me.

 

Number 20SHOW QUESTION
Have you ever curled your eyelashes?

 

Not on purpose, had an incident with a Bunsen burner in high school and they definitely curled a little bit.

 

Number 21SHOW QUESTION
Did you ever get your windshield wipers fixed?

 

Yeah, I had an old paper clip sitting around and it’s holding so far. I figure even if it falls off again, they put two on for a reason. Right?

 

Number 22SHOW QUESTION
On the day you were born, the #1 song in the United States was Bobby Brown’s ‘My Prerogative.’ Which line from its lyrics do you most identify with?

 

Get busy
Everybody’s talkin’ all this stuff about me (Now now)
Why don’t they just let me live (Oh oh oh)
I don’t need permission
Make my own decisions (Oh)
That’s my prerogative
They say I’m crazy
I really don’t care
That’s my prerogative
They say I’m nasty
But I don’t give a damn
Gettin’ girls is how I live
Some ask me questions
Why am I so real
But they don’t understand me
I really don’t know the deal
About a brother
Trying hard to make it right
Not long ago
Before I win this fight
Sing!

 

‘Sing’- it reminds me of something my mum said when my brother was angrily looking for his headphones to go for a run. He was super pissed off and not dealing with it well and my mum said “Be your own iPod.”

 

Be your own iPod. Sing. It feels good.

 

Number 22SHOW QUESTION
Who is your favorite Joe Lewis and why?

 

  • Joe Lewis the karate champion. I was a yellow belt in karate when i was twelve and like my American counterpart, I’ve been referred to as the Greatest Karate Fighter of all time.11In Gloucester, NSW, Australia, population 2500, that is.
  • Joe Louis the boxer.
  • Joe Lewis the martial artist and actor who coined the term “American Kickboxing.”
  • Joe Lewis the British businessman who lives in the Bahamas due to tax exile.
  • Jo Lewis the British artist who mostly works in water colors.

 

 

Number 23SHOW QUESTION
Have you ever purposefully saved up a fart while in the peloton, just so you could blast off at a certain time, and thus crop dust a particular rival you are not fond of?

 

Not in a malicious way, more as a hilarious joke because I’m particularly immature. But yes, many times.

 

Number 24SHOW QUESTION
Have you ever pretended (either in a race situation or in training) that a fart gives you a burst of power on the bike, and thus helps propel you at a higher rate of speed? Basically, we are asking if you ever pretend that farts work like rockets.

 

No, but I tried to light one on fire once. It didn’t work. Very upsetting.

 

 

Number 25SHOW QUESTION
Tell us about emergency bathroom situations during races. Please.

 

One time I was squeezing out a pee and farted and thought I’d pooped myself. I sat at the back the entire rest of the race because I was scared I smelled like poop. Luckily it rained later, cleansing me of my sins.

 

Number 26SHOW QUESTION
Members of touring bands have always abided by a code which clearly states that no one is ever to take a #2 in the tour bus bathroom. It’s a thing, and even superstars in their prime (think David Lee Rorth circa 1985, or Dr Dre right after “The Chronic”) had to live by that rule. Does any such rule exist for team buses, or do you guys let the number 2s fly freely?

 

Well we were going by that rule the first year we had our RV but Butler did it anyway. Then it was just free for all. Everyone has pretty good aim though.

 

Number 27SHOW QUESTION
Cycling can be a lonely existence, in terms of young dudes not being around their significant others for long periods of time. Even when you are in a hotel, you are sharing a room with another dude, and you are both sleeping on twin-sized beds that mere inches apart. How does that all work?

 

We push them together, Rob Squire can’t sleep unless his body is touching at least some part of mine. I have him put on a wig and pretend to be my girlfriend (if I have one at the time) and vice versa. Life is lonely in the trenches man, papa bear’s gotta eat.

IIIFun Facts with Joe Lewis!
manualforspeed_fanclubs_joelewis-02
  1. FAVORITE FOOD: Mum’s coconut pie (I’ll get the recipe).
  2. FAVORITE COLOR: Red.
  3. FAVORITE BAND/SONG: Blink-182, “All the Small Things.”
  4. FAVORITE MOVIE/VIDEO GAME: Real life.
  5. PRE-RACE SUPERSTITION: I do all these activation exercises for my glutes, I just had two knee operations so I want to make sure it’s all on point every day.
  6. IF YOU WEREN’T A CYCLIST, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I’ve said it before: WWE wrestler. Combo of being jacked as hell and acting, I’d be awesome #joeforwwe
  7. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE BORED? The other day I got bored and put a bunch of eggs down the garbage disposal. That thing eats anything.
  8. FAMILY: BIIIIIIG ol’ family. I’m the eldest of six, five boys and my younger sister Anna. Wouldn’t have it any other way, we’ve all had our challenges but family has been the one big constant in my life.
  9. GUILTY PLEASURE(S): Cheese with nutella on it, it’s incredible. Gotta be Swiss though.
  10. SIGN: Capricorn, the goat. Baaaaa.
  11. FAVORITE POWER RANGER: Red, duh.
  12. PRIZED POSSESSION: This bomb ass beanie my mum gave me before I left for the States this year.
  13. WHAT’S MOST SURPRISING ABOUT YOU?: I’m more than just an accent.
  14. IF YOU WERE A SUPERHERO, WHAT WOULD YOUR POWER BE? Being able to get people to chill out, or be nicer to each other. That or teleportation so I wouldn’t have to be in airports all the time.
  15. CELEBRITY CRUSH: Ryan Gosling, I pretend to like old fashioneds because of how cool he makes them look.
  16. CELEBRITY ROLE MODEL: David Pockock, Australian rugby union player/environmental activist. Not scared to use his celebrity to do something of use whether big corporations like it or not.
  17. WORST FEAR(S): Letting people down, horses.
  18. BAD HABITS: Chewing my fingernails.
  19. TICKLISH?: Yeah but it feels like torture.
  20. FAVORITE QUOTE: “At some point in your life, you’ve got to prove the people that believe in you right.”—Phil Heath
  21. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SMOOTHIE!!!??? I had this badass pumpkin pie smoothie at a place here in Boulder
  22. WEIRDEST DREAM: I’ve had so many, most of them involve waking up to people in my room or really enjoying foods I hate in real life.
  23. HIDDEN TALENTS: I can be funny occasionally, I flawlessly change sides of the road when moving between Australia and the US, I can ride a bike backwards, sitting on the handlebars… although not clipped in, I’ll eat it so hard.
  24. FANMAIL ADDRESS: curlymcbird@gmail.com
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