Fan Club: Lachlan Morton
fan-club

Fan Club: Lachlan Morton

Point is we love Lachlan.

IIntroduction
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The day before the start of the 2013 USA Pro Challenge, Manual For Speed was killing time on some stairs next to a ski lift. Talking to Phil, who we had just officially met. Chilling. Doing some lite lurking and a-creeping. And that's when we saw him for the first time. He was vision of kasualness and Style. His shorts! That hair. And wait what, yes he is, he is wearing a commemorative t-shirt featuring a bear. SO. WAS. I. #twins #twinsies #kismet #serendipity #omfg And that's how we first met. He was in the process of leaving the stairs area with his family so our first conversation was brief but telling, fortuitous really:

MFS: "Hey, can we get a selfie-type picture with you?"

LACHLAN: "Yeah, sure."

MFS: "Thanks. We're MFS by the way, we document your team, road cycling (kinda), and dude, we're kinda tight with Alex."

LACHLAN: "Oh yeah, I've seen something about it. Cool."

Lachlan would go on to win Stage 7 of that race. After which we did an interview with him in a library on the first floor of a hotel in Beaver Creek just down the street from Beaver Liquors. He was funny, and chill AF. He raced with a miniature custom license plate under his saddle, which is almost as cool as smoking a cigarette on the podium. I don’t remember what it said, shoot. If I did we’d DEF include it in this paragraph. Oh well. Anyway, over the next two years we became friends. We did stuff together at the 2014 Tour Down Under. After the first stage there is an off day (wtf is that all about anyway), so we interviewed him about Thereabouts (before it was Thereabouts) in the market under the city, and lite-absconded with him to the pier at Glenelg Beach for a skateboard and fishing  photoshoot.

 

Our conversation about Thereabouts led to more conversations about Thereabouts. Which led to a conversation about Yonder Journal’s Dead Reckoning Campaign. Which led to a 10-day bicycle tour odyssey from Sydney 2 Melbourne, late last year. There were trains, dishlickers, parmis, dirt roads, apocalyptic heat, sneaky 17s, and even some bike riding.

“Point is we love Lachlan. We try to hang out with him as much as possible. This interview that you’re about to read was just an excuse to learn more about him. Also, it worked—see for yourself.”MFS
IITwenty & Eight™ Questions with Lachlan Morton
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Number 01SHOW QUESTION
Why did you stop racing motorcycles?

 

I never raced, I rode a lot. I used to go on moto trips to Dunedoo with a school mate, just camping and riding all day. I miss that. When I got more serious with cycling that pretty much took over everything else I was doing. I got out on a dirt bike about a year ago on the north shore beach in Port Macquarie, though. Still got it. 🙂

 

Number 02SHOW QUESTION
Before you quit, how much clothing with the Fox logo did you own?

 

Fox was the shit! I had Fox everything: helmet, gloves, body armor… but the pants! The pants were the best.

 

Number 03SHOW QUESTION
Do you agree with Trip Advisor’s assessment that the seventh-best thing to do in your hometown of Port Macquarie is to visit Ricardoes Tomatoes and U-Pick Strawberry Farm?

 

Sure, its up there. Its a cool little spot out of town. The coffee is good. It wouldn’t make my personal top ten, but for the town, sure.

 

Number 04SHOW QUESTION
What’s your take on the controversial removal of fig trees to make room for a new apartment complex on the Town Green in Port Macquarie?

 

Ha, well I don’t know much about the new plans but my dad had a lot to do with the initial development of Town Green. He worked on the council at the time and it was massively controversial. Now everyone loves it. The fig trees down there are beautiful but the town is growing, businesses love the tourists, tourists need places to stay.

 

Number 05SHOW QUESTION
Wu-Tang Clan referred to Staten Island as Shaolin, Drake (and no one else on this planet) refers to Toronto as “The 6”, Snoop often talked about LBC. What do rappers from Port Macquarie call Port Macquarie? We think it’s probably P- Mac, but wanted to ask a reliable source.

 

Yeah, its P-mac or just Port. And the Macquarie hotel is the “Macca.”

 

Number 06SHOW QUESTION
Tell us about driving to Vegas and seeing Wiz Khalifa.

 

Rachel and I drove from Denver to LA and hit Vegas as a last-minute decision on the way back from Palm Springs. She was asleep and I had the Fear and Loathing audiobook on. As we were about to pass by I pulled in and she woke up in the valet at Caesars. We were feeling pretty boss. We looked up what shows were on and Wiz was playing. We got tickets, went to Margaritaville, got wasted and went to the show. It was unreal. Thirty dudes on stage, gin poured on the crowd etc. I’d go again

 

Number 07SHOW QUESTION
Is it possible to find a middle ground between enjoyment of cycling and being competitive on a bike?

 

Is that the ultimate quest? I’m starting to work it out. In the past I’d treated them as two separate things. I don’t think that was a healthy way to do it. NowI treat training as riding. I enjoy the races, the preparation and don’t dwell on the results too much. I still need my time on the trails or on an adventure, but I just see it all as riding now.

 

Number 08SHOW QUESTION
How would you describe your performance at the Fat Bike World Championships?

 

I think i ended up fifth but i forgot my timing chip. It was fun, I crashed at least 20 times (not an exaggeration). Once the course got rutted out I was useless, but for a while I really thought I’d win ha. I had the nicest bike and the least experience.

 

Number 09SHOW QUESTION
If you showed a picture of your current life to a younger version of Lachlan Morton, what do you think he’d be more amazed by: your marriage or your Hyundai?

 

Both things, equally. That idea that I’d find someone that could deal with me, and commit to that for a life time—amazing. The fact that I own a car at all—amazing.

 

Number 10SHOW QUESTION
You spent time in Colorado when it was cold there this year, instead of back in Australia. Did you do things backwards?

 

Colorado is becoming more like home. I have all my stuff here. It’s the only place where I’m not living out of a suitcase. I enjoy that more and more. I enjoyed the winter. The snow is still a novelty for me and cycling clothes are amazing now, so you can always ride as long as the road isn’t frozen.

 

Number 11SHOW QUESTION
Tell us about each of the tattoos you have, and under what circumstances you got them. By the way, the tattoo on the left side of your chest looks suspiciously similar to one that GG Allin had. Was that on purpose?

 

First one I got is just a ten sided shape on my arm, Gus and I got the same one. Rachel drew the fox I have on my shoulder. My sisters’ name all written on top of each other in my left bicep. The route of Thereabouts on my left leg and just a design I liked on my left pec. Dassss it.

 

Number 12SHOW QUESTION
What’s the best move you’ve ever done in a bike race? Like, what is your proudest moment racing professionally?

 

Umm, probably being part of Christian Vande Velde’s win at the USA Pro Challenge as a stagiaire. It was my first race with a world tour team.

 

Number 13SHOW QUESTION
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done in a race?

 

Probably racing the last stage of the USA Pro Challenge last year, sitting in fifth, very hung over. No fun, still attacked though. Maybe that’s my proudest.

 

Number 14SHOW QUESTION
Who’s your favorite dude to talk to in the peleton. What do you guys talk about in there?

 

Joe Lewis, he is amazingly skilled in the art of shit talking. Rarely related to the task at hand.

 

Number 15SHOW QUESTION
What’s the strangest/lamest/funniest/craziest thing you’ve ever heard in there? You can leave out the names and dates and whatnot to preserve whoever’s anonymity. Or not.

 

Bike riders are most honest on their bikes because that’s where they are most comfortable. I’ve heard a lot of great stories along with things I wish I could unhear, but they stay on the bike… sorry.

 

Number 16SHOW QUESTION
We spent a SOLID ten days with you recently and observed that you started a number of those days off with a Moby song. Was it the same song? Was that just a phase? Or a ritual? Why Moby?

 

Moby’s great, definitely a phase , but a great one nonetheless.

 

Number 17SHOW QUESTION
Will you make us a Manual for Speed playlist based on a theme? You pick the theme.
Number 18SHOW QUESTION
Speaking of playlists, how did you learn that you can do a pretty mean David Beckham impersonation? In particular, one in which David is a Radio 1 DJ. Also, what does that mean? How does that change things?

 

It would probably change the way most people view David Beckam if we could get our show aired.

 

Number 19SHOW QUESTION
Why did you pick an Italian greyhound as a pet? What is your Italian greyhound’s name, and why?

 

Rachel wanted one. I came up with the name: Toad the Toadman Toadfish, Toad for short. Named after toadfish from the Australian soap opera Neighbors. He’s amazing. He spoons my neck when I sleep, what else could you need?

 

Number 20SHOW QUESTION
Listen to as much or as little of Shellac’s “Excellent Italian Greyhound” album as you want to, and tell us what you think of it.

 

[Lachlan abstained from answering this question. Not sure why.]

 

Number 21SHOW QUESTION
How much is the most you’ve ever won or lost on a horse or dog race?

 

Won $180 bucks on the dogs once. We went to Smuts (the Down Under nightclub) afterwards, on a Wednesday. It was great.

 

Number 22SHOW QUESTION
Australians have wonderful slang for just about everything. Can you give us your top five favorite Aussie phrases and their translations? (E.g. ‘betting on the dish lickers’ = betting on the greyhounds.)

 

  • ‘Hard yakka’: hard work
  • ‘Sinking middys’: drinking mid sized beers
  • ‘Lucky shop’: betting establishment
  • ‘Hit the frog and toad’: leave
  • ‘Dog’s eye’: meat pie

 

Number 23SHOW QUESTION
What is your take on the use of a mankad run-out in cricket?

 

I can honestly say I have no idea what that means. I liked the one hand one bounce catch rule at school.

 

Number 24SHOW QUESTION
We know that you’re a big fan of The Cricket. Can you tell us in your own words about some of your favorite Shane Warne moments?

 

Shane Warne, what a guy. I liked him better when he was fat. Anyone of his selfies on Instagram equals any of his performances on the pitch.

 

Number 25SHOW QUESTION
Lachlan is currently the tenth most popular male baby name in Australia. Do you think you will help raise the profile of the name even further, or harm it in any way? Why?

 

I’d like to push for a top five. I’m pretty confident we can get it there. That’s why I take all these interviews, every Lachlan has to do their part.

 

Number 26SHOW QUESTION
Top three books?

 

  • The Rift
  • Tommorrow When the War Began
  • The Outsiders

 

All from year 4-7 English.

 

Number 27SHOW QUESTION
Top three movies?

 

Too hard umm…
  • V for Vendetta 
  • Natural Born Killers 
  • Pulp Fiction 
  • Joe Dirt 
  • Saturday NightFever 
Number 28SHOW QUESTION
Rank these Mortons: Morton’s (Steakhouse chain), Morton’s (table salt), Morton (city in Washington state, population 1,117), Gary Morton (real estate agent in Littleton, Colorado), Gary Morton (Lucille Ball’s second husband).
  1. Morton’s (table salt)
  2. Morton’s (steakhouse chain)
  3. Morton (city in Washington state, population 1,117)
  4. Gary Morton (Lucille Ball’s second husband)
  5. Gary Morton (real estate agent in Littleton, Colorado)
IIIFun Facts with Lachlan Morton!
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTLachlan Morton thinks it’s surprising that he’s not surprising—on the other hand, Manual for Speed knows the Surprise Me! Kit is surprising.
  1. FAVORITE FOOD: Cannelloni from Mum.
  2. FAVORITE COLOR: Blue.
  3. FAVORITE BAND: The National.
  4. FAVORITE MOVIE/VIDEO GAME: GoldenEye 007.
  5. PRE-RACE SUPERSTITION: Taping my back.
  6. IF YOU WEREN’T A CYCLIST, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Homeless.
  7. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE BORED? Walk to Spruce Coffee shop with Toad and Rachel.
  8. FAMILY: ? Yes?
  9. GUILTY PLEASURE(S): Snus.
  10. SIGN: Capricorn.
  11. FAVORITE POWER RANGER: White. The snowboard out of the plane? Forget about it.
  12. PRIZED POSSESSION: A knife I found in France.
  13. WHAT’S MOST SURPRISING ABOUT YOU?: That I’m not surprising.
  14. IF YOU WERE A SUPERHERO, WHAT WOULD YOUR POWER BE? Flight.
  15. CELEBRITY CRUSH: When I was younger, the Power Puff Girls.
  16. CELEBRITY ROLE MODEL: De Niro, he reminds me of my dad.
  17. WORST FEAR(S): Snakes.
  18. BAD HABITS: Making plans.
  19. TICKLISH?: Yep.
  20. FAVORITE QUOTE: “Panda panda panda.”
  21. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SMOOTHIE!!!??? Banana, almond butter, maple syrup and coconut cream.
  22. WEIRDEST DREAM: I had one where I saw myself die—true story. Myth busted!
  23. HIDDEN TALENTS: Risotto.
  24. FANMAIL ADDRESS: Get at me on the beeper.
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