HAVS #12: LA Sweat at the Redlands Bicycle Classic
havs

HAVS #12: LA Sweat at the Redlands Bicycle Classic

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ILA SWEAT

Managing the fiscal particulars of a Women’s Domestic Professional Road Cycling Team is often tedious and difficult because it’s scientifically impossible to raise enough money to properly support a bike team in America. Especially, let’s be honest, a women’s bike team.  The fact is there is never enough money even when there is enough money. And for the smaller teams, the ones without Olive Oil Empires and Health Insurance Monoliths supporting them, it’s even harder. But whatever, LA Sweat doesn’t need a hand-out from some Big Corporation because LA Sweat is punk and full of spunk!

“All LA Sweat needs is for you to buy some kit and make a donation. Or just make a donation. Or just buy kit. The choice is yours.”MFS

The point is, together we can make a difference. At this juncture you might be saying to yourself—as inconceivable as this sounds—wait, why should I buy the LA Sweat kit and/or donate to LA Sweat?  Just in case that’s the case, we organized an easy checklist. Basically, if you answer “YES!” to three or more of these questions it’s a moral imperative that you buy the kit immediately.

 

  1. Do you have eyes?
  2. Do you live in Los Angeles?
  3. Do you live in California?
  4. Do you like fun?
  5. Do you have friends?
  6. Do you like roads?
  7. Is health important to you?
  8. Are you interested in technology?
  9. Does your body sweat?
  10. Can you spell the word bike?
  11. Bonus Question: Do you live in Louisiana?

 

Also, you might be thinking, sure this all sounds amazing, but what do I get out of the deal? As unreasonable and silly a question as that is, we’ve prepared a response.

 

  1. If you buy the kit you get the kit. Which, did you even see the kit?
  2. If you donate you get the satisfaction of supporting (directly & tangibly) a remarkable and unique professional women’s road racing team from Los Angeles, California.

 

At this point clearly you’re on board, but you just have one last concern and that’s the issue of trust. Can you trust LA Sweat to use your financial, emotional and psychological support responsibly? Is LA Sweat truly a lean mean fighting machine on the road to greatness? Ummmmmm… yeah, totally; LA Sweat is in fact a lean mean fighting machine on the road to greatness. And to prove it, instead of staying at a stupid hotel or with some doting parents during the 2015 Redlands Bicycle Classic,11Side Note: Mara Abbott won said Bicycle Classic for LA SWEAT, no big deal. several members of LA Sweat stayed in a Redneck Frat House full of Weapons, Fast Rides, & Charm.

 

  1. Weapons prove that LA Sweat is a lean, mean, fighting machine. Duh.
  2. Fast Rides prove that LA Sweat is on the road.
  3. Charm proves that LA Sweat has greatness on lock because as we all know, charm is what happens when you mix style with smile(s), which is great.

 

If you would like to simply donate to LA Sweat, just click this ultra-custom PayPal donate button that is skinned to precisely match the look and feel of manualforspeed.com:




IIUnofficial LA SWEAT Redlands Bicycle Classic Homestay

John of the Redlands Bike BBQ (#hellahippie) opened his doors to LA SWEAT for a bargain fee of $55 per night when the Redlands Bicycle Classic homestay did not have enough places to sleep. We asked Kelli Samuelson, LA SWEAT Team Director, about it.

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"Most of the team stayed at Mom's & Dad's houses but there wasn't enough room for everyone, so our mechanic Deborah and I had to get an AirBnB. Four dudes lived there. Two Johns and two Tonys."
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"We get there and we’re putting shit in the garage, and I’m like alright, this works... then I look around and notice all these weapons: crossbows, BB guns, axes, swords, and a giant snake tank (without a snake) and a beer bong. Where’s that snake? No idea. In the backyard they had a smoke house, and they made their own beer. John's girlfriend is a professional rock climber. And the front of their fridge had been totally removed: the covering, the stainless steel or whatever, it was gone. It was skinned. I asked Tony #1 what happened to it, he said he didn't know, it was that way when he moved in."
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"John, John, Tony & Tony came to watch the crit."
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MFS: "So like what do these dudes do for a living?" Kelli: "John #2 works for the agriculture system for the city. He does weird stuff up in the rocks. John #1, the owner, works for the city’s bike system/infrastructure. Tony #1 one does web stuff, who knows?... then the other Tony that lives in the back with this girlfriend, I don’t know what he does. Wait, he's a teacher. Archaeology."
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"John #2 lent us his motorcycle and Jeep. Thanks, John #2."
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"We asked for more weapons and it was like Christmas."
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"Never in a million years did we think we’d be having our weapons photographed in the backyard for Manual for Speed."—John #1, homeowner.
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"It was like staying at like, my brother's house. They were really cool."
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A mostly complete but by no means guaranteed list of the weaponry found in LA SWEAT's homestay: shotgun, handgun, rifle, recurve bow, compound bow, bb gun, axe, baseball bat, KBAR, revolver, attack dogs (2, Moon & June), and stealth cats (2).
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"The stairs in the house are like an ice rink, I fell down them wearing socks and broke my ass." MFS: "Wait, what kind of socks were you wearing?" Kelli: "I think they were Giro." MFS: "You deserved it."
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"I think they were all frat brothers at one point, and now they're in their 30s and have real jobs. But they decided to live together again."
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"The Wifi password is Jamesbrown1."
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"They say they love that car, that it still runs. It's John's, though I'm not sure which John."

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