2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 02
road-racing

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 02

Tuesday - March 10, 2015 - Saint-Aignan, France

Where are all the people over the age of 8, and under the age of 50?

RACE BIBLE
Start
11:30 AM, ZooParc de Beauval in Saint-Aignan
Finish
4:28 PM, Saint-Amand-Montrond
Length
172 km
Winning Time
Four hours 58 minutes
Arrivée (Copied, Verbatim, from the Paris–Nice Livre de Route)

“The town of Saint Amand-Montrond, situated in the heart of France about 2 hours and 45 minutes south of Paris, sits on the banks of the Berry Canal and the Cher and Marmande rivers. The race finished at avenue Jean Giraudoux, à l’extremetié d’une ligne droite finale de 500 mètres.”

 

Largeur

7 mètres (DWP: Why are we still talking about the width of the finish? KEB: Maybe Klaus can back me up on this, but I think it’s because the width of the finish can really affect the final sprint, like if it’s only a few meters wide there is a lot less room for sprinters to maneuver around each other.)

Distance de l'arrivée
2 km
WEATHER
47°F
Weather (Detailed)

In Saint-Aignan, and for most of the race, it was overcast and crisp, with intermittent sprinkles, around 47 degrees. Also, it should be noted that several times today, at key moments, like when the race came past, the sun broke out through most of the clouds but not all of the clouds in a manner that provided expertly diffused sunlight at just the right moment. #magic #serendipity #inthezone #marvel

Course Overview

The race started in the parking lot of a French Zoo where among other animals, presumably, they have Pandas on exhibit. Then it went on a road into a forest. Then it went through several hundred village-towns at almost evenly spaced intervals of one village-town per every five kilometers. Sometimes the course rolled, but mostly it just hummed along across a very flat, very even surface. By and large the course had a field vibe. In fact it would appear that 97% of France is covered in fields, 2.15% in vacant storefronts, .60% in castles and the remaining .25% in various World War II Memorials, towers, urban centers, Alps, fashion models & photographers, museums, etc.

MFS Team

Ian Gabriel Marshall, Raoul “The Potato Chasser” Sturme, Keiran Elaine Best and Daniel Wakefield Pasley.

Today's Objective
N/A
Today's Now That's a Remarkable WiFi Password!!!
7DFF656D2CC1732757794EF93E
Today's Dilemma

Graham watson smiled at me, should I ask him to take a selfie with me? Or is he still mad about #grahamgram and the farting postcards thing?

Today's Moderately Interesting Observation

If you’re not careful with Panda face make-up you might wind-up with a Day Of The Dead vibe.

A Question for France

Dear France,

 

Where are all the people over the age of 8 and under the age of 50? You know, people in their 20s and 30s and 40s. I know they’re not renting your vacant buildings because if they were……they wouldn’t be vacant anymore. I know they’re not out standing in your fields because, well, we’d see them as we drove past. I know that they exist because otherwise France would be a setting for a Stephen King novel. We’re not in a Stephen King novel township are we? Also, we know they can’t be too far, otherwise where did all the hundreds of thousands of eight year olds come for?

 

Today's Addendum to Yesterday's Note to Self

When choosing a village-town in which to take them, chose one that isn’t downhill. On related note, an uphill field provides better photoshooting than a downhill village-town.

Current Location

Château de Peufeihoux in Vallon-en Sully. Don’t let the word Château fool you, it’s a castle, we’re in a castle.

Today's Most Curious Quote
“I don’t know what it is but I know it comes with the juice of something.”Anonymous
Today's Second Best Quote (Please say-theese to yourseLF, weeth aaaa Franch accen-T)
“Tomorrow, in the morning, I will show you a big piece of my castle.”Château Lord
Today's Best Quote
“Did the King have any secret rooms or passages for his concubines?”Ian Marshall

Ian said this, aloud, to the caretaker during our tour of the castle we stayed at last night. Later, several of us asked Ian which King he was referring to, at which point it became clear that Ian had, for a brief moment—probably on account of sleep deprivation or similar—believed this off-brand semi-insignificant castle to have belonged to the King of France.

HIGH POINTS
  • Checking into a castle, and the subsequent tour of said castle.

LOW POINTS
  • The worst song ever. Which we heard over and over. [See below.]


 

FR.PN.2.1

 

Are You With Me by Lost Frequencies

 

This Field Recording made on 10 March 2015 outside Saint-Aignan, France.

 


 

IShower Adventures, Episode Three: The Fire Hose Shower Head
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The trick to using this type of shower is to submit to these seven basic rules (presented in order for your convenience—based on a right hand dominant scenario) because you are going to sooner or later, trust us.

 

  1. Before turning the shower on remove the shower head unit from the wall mount and place the shower head unit on the floor of the shower with the nozzle pointed away from you, toward the wall.
  2. Place one foot or a heavy waterproof object on the shower head unit, then turn the shower on slowly and gradually, in increments.
  3. DO NOT bring the shower up to “full speed” before entering the shower zone and pulling the shower curtain closed behind you completely.
  4. Pick-up the shower head unit with your left hand, use a firm grip.
  5. While still holding the shower head unit with your left hand (firm grip!), bring the shower up to full speed using your right hand.
  6. Then place the shower head unit firmly into the wall mount.
  7. Begin showering!
II#stormchasing #infrontofthepeloton
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Below is an example of a typical conversation in Manual for Speed’s Team Car during any of the MANY vast blocks of time with basically nothing to do and nowhere to go, #stormchasing #infrontofthepeloton. Please note: Before this real world non-fictional exchange took place there had been about 10 minutes of absolute silence while Daniel played chess on his iPhone, Ian drove, Raoul stared out the window at the fields going past, and Keiran slept slumped against the window with her scarf wrapped around her head like a homeless mummy. Then suddenly, Daniel began speaking apropos of nothing. Also, it should be noted that as quickly and spontaneously as this conversation erupted, it abated entirely. Leaving us with uninterrupted FM FUN accompanied by the sound of fields going past once again.

 

  • Daniel: “I don’t know if we take them here. Do we take them here?”
  • Ian: “Is there coffee in this town?
  • Keiran: “What are you looking for or will you just know it when you see it?”
  • Raoul: “It’s like in falling love.”

 


 

FR.PN.2.2

 

European Dir. Raoul Sturme Gets Help

 

This Field Recording made on 10 March 2015 outside Saint-Aignan, France.

 


IIII’LL EAT THAT!!! with Ian Marshall

“Giving snackers around the world an Unfair Advantage”

 

Croustillantes Gout Bolognaise11

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: Spaghetti flavoured potato chips.

Summary: “They really do taste like spaghetti!, especially the aftertaste!”

 

Carrefour Biscuits Cacaotes: “Black and Roll22

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: Off-brand Oreos.

Summary: “The white stuff was pretty much the same.”

 

Curly les Balls Cacahuete33

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: It’s basically a breadstick ball with peanut butter in the center.

Summary: “The outside is like a crappy bread stick you get from the olive garden, and the inside is filled with peanut butter. But not good peanut butter. Nowhere even close to being as good as Trader Joe’s peanut butter filled pretzels.”

 

Carrefour Tube Goût Fromage44

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: Basically Bugles™.

Summary: “They’re Bugles™ made with a sharp white cheddar, still tastes good and processed.”

IVKlaus’ Kliff Knotes: Prologue thru Stage 02
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As is often the case, Paris-Nice started this year with a Prologue. The 6.7 kilometer route (that’s 4.1 miles for those of the Imperial persuasion) left little room for error, and favored more explosive riders. In the end it was Kwiatkowski who took the win, ahead of an impressive list of competitors that included Tony Martin—who only recently stopped his training as a police officer in Germany.

 

Stage 1, from Saint-Rémy-lès-Chevreuse to Contres was one for the sprinters, both in terms of the finish, as well as the intermediate sprint, which allowed Dagenkolb and Matthews to pick up points and bonus seconds along the way. Despite the expected breaks featuring French riders, the peloton caught the last riders with 1.5 kilometers to go. Katusha gave Alexander Kristoff a well-timed lead-out, allowing him to win—a frustrating result for French sprinters Nacer Buhanni and Bryan Coquard who came in second and third respectively.

 

Stage 2 was bound to be yet another day for the sprinters, despite attempts by Cannondale-Garmin to break things up by pulling hard during apparent crosswinds, unfortunately their efforts didn’t seem to affect anyone. The arrival of a collected peloton into Saint-Amand-Montrond (a town with a list of famous residents that is five people long, and includes a college professor) set things up for a bunch sprint, which André Greipel (nickname: Gorilla) won. This meant that there were no significant changes to the overall classification, and that the real race for the GC will begin on Stage Four into Croix de Chaubouret.

 

VObservations from our First Time Sleeping in a Scooby-Doo Castle
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  1. Tedious at first. Castles live in the woods (#duh) and castles don’t believe in asphalt so the road through the woods was unpaved, big time.
  2. Difficult to check-in to. Castles are surrounded by castle walls and you can’t park inside the castle walls because they need all that room for jousting contests and public executions. Parking is basically on the far side of the moat, a moat that has been filled-in with gravel, and gravel is not roller-tech compatible, which means you have to carry your roller bag. Also the staircases are circular and cold and damp. And yeah, no elevators. So first impressions at this point, not the best.
  3. Glorious the moment we entered our room.
“The bed! The chairs and tables and wallpaper and tapestries and battle shields! The view of the forest!”Daniel Pasley
  1. EXACTLY like Scooby-Doo said it would be: knights in armor in all the corners, a dungeon, most of the paintings stare at you when you walk past, weird noises, probably a ghost, a caretaker!!!!!, hidden doorways and passages (alas, no passages specifically designed for concubines), a chapel with stained glass windows, 17 fireplaces all of which are big enough to burn any of the smaller Peugeots, a curio room, etc.
Chateau de Peufeilhoux
Offering an outdoor pool, B&B Château de Peufeilhoux is set in 74 acres of forest located in Vallon-en-Sully. It is given a rating of 5 épis out of 5 by "Gîtes de France". Free WiFi access is available.

Booking.com Listing (Opens in a new tab.)

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VIParis–Nice Stage 02 Playlist by FUN FM
VIIZooParc de Beauval, Saint-Aignan
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Zoo Parc de Beauval admission, adults and children 11 and over: €28. Traveler's checks are accepted for entry, but not in any of the gift shops.
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There are no Ben Hermans autographs currently for sale on eBay.
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BMC was founded by American Bob Bigelow in 1986, after he lost his Raleigh distributor's license.
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The Gorilla!!!!!!!!!! At the zoo!!!!!!! We saw the Gorilla... at the zoo.
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We saw this guy too! Hi guy!
VIIIAlong the Course
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20 km in, facing forward.
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20 km in, facing behind.
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40 km in, facing forward.
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40 km in, facing behind.
IXSaint-Pierre-de-Jards
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Saint-Pierre-de-Jards is the "downhill town." It has a population of 120. Paris–Nice started out with 198 riders.
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A Powerpoint presentation by a European condom distributor explains the appeal of the Durex Jeans brand thusly: "Durex Jeans is cool love wear. It is trendy and it is comfort wear - just like Denim Jeans Hence the brand name Jeans. Trendy Blue Condom for Cool Lovemaking Jeans is Cool. It is available at cheap price."
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XA Typology of Raoul and French Front Doors
Part Deux
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XIA Nondescript Uphill Road Through a Nondescript Field in the Nondescript French Countryside
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The gentleman wearing blue pants, you know the one we’re talking about, he’s looking RIGHT AT YOU, yeah that one, anyway, after this photograph was taken he walked over to me and tried to physically remove this photograph from my camera. Let me tell you: he was upset. If any of our readers knows this gentleman, please post this on your Facebook page and tag him.
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"Blue and red are associated with the Virgin Mary, the patron saint of France, and were the colours of the oriflamme."—Wikipedia
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"There is significantly more Tinkoff yellow and less Saxo blue than on the 2014 jersey. Sportful claimed the new design is similar to the fluorescent kit the team used for the 2014 Tour de France, suggesting the bright colours will make the athletes more visible to their teammates, support vehicles and fans, and help differentiate the riders from the leaders jerseys in races. Along with the Russian national flag, the team kit features the name Tinkoff in Cyrillic."—CyclingNews
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Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告

Kasual Klub Clothing Collection Now Available!

XIICôte de la Tour
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Adam Hansen has finished in the last ten grand tours he has participated in. He lives in Frýdlant nad Ostravicí, Czech Republic. Frýdlant nad Ostravicí's coat of arms features a mostly-nude blacksmith who protects himself for hot molten metal by wearing only an apron.
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Marco Coledan's birthday is on August 22nd. The same as Tori Amos and Gza from the Wu-Tang Clan.
XIIISaint-Amand-Montrond
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Butt in French = popotin, don't Google that at work. #barricadebutts
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Hey Jack, you makin' some new friends?
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PopSugar has some incredibly unhelpful/obvious tips for not blinking during a photo.
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"So I says to him, I says..."
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"Hello? Yes, he's doing it again. All he does is post on Facebook about his amazing pants, and how many pockets they have."
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Peace out!
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