2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 04
road-racing

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 04

Thursday - March 12, 2015 - Varennes-sur-Allier, France

Not all Haribo gummy candies are delicious. I’m not saying just stick with the bears, but it’s definitely not the worst idea.

RACE BIBLE
Start
10:25 AM, Varennes-sur-Allier
Finish
3:45 PM, Croix De Chaubouret
Length
204 km
Winning Time
05:18:39
Arrivée

“3 hours north of Marseille, Croix de Chaubouret is situated in the south-east of the Loire department near Saint-Étienne. The name Chaubouret is said to come from Chau Borée, which means “the bare peak where the north wind blows”.  The race finished at the top of the third climb (1200 m) at La Croix de Chaubouret, à l’extremetié d’une ligne droite finale de 200 mètres.”

Distance de l'arrivée
1 km
Largeur
7 mètres
Weather

It was foggy and thick and smoooooth in the morning. And then it wasn’t at all; then it was hella sunny and bright. Today’s high was about 52 degrees fahrenheit. Very little wind. In spots it was warm but mostly it was cool. Dry. It’s really dry in France in March in the year two-thousand and fifteen.

MFS Team

Ian Gabriel Marshall, Raoul “The Potato Chasser” Sturme, Keiran Elaine Best and Daniel Wakefield Pasley.

Today's Objective

Leave this race and go to Tirreno-Adriatico.

Course Overview

Listen, let’s cut to the chase. You want to know if this race is still topographically speaking—the tedium/boring thing is more than just topography I know, it’s all very interconnected and interrelated and what not, but for now, in this column, in the “Course Overview” column, let’s stay focused on course specifics, whatever that’s supposed to mean—pathologically unremarkable. The answer is no, it’s not, it’s turned a corner, at some point yesterday we hit hills and forests and intrinsically interesting terrain. Today was like that too, only more so, today we hit proper côtes and cols and, I think (?), a categorized climb, and bona fide mountains, the Massif Central. So yeah, suddenly, just when you thought this race was a meditation on the nature and quality of fields—or maybe a bad anxiety-type dream where you spend the night trying to buy something simple, I don’t know, let’s say a salad or something, and every town you drive to is full of shops but none of the shops are open or they are not in business anymore, and over and over and over and over again you try the front door to a cute little shop but it’s shut—whoomp there it is, the race finds a mountain with some snow and switchbacks and shit, and the mountain makes everything all better. I mean, this race is still exceptionally boring, but as far as the Course Overview Department is concerned, we are all good, better than ever. But since we’re talking about it,  why did they put Paris in central (almost northern) France in the middle of soooo many fields. And so close to towns like… Roubaix for example.

Current Location

Hotel le Paletines in St.Étienne, France, the sister city to Des Moines, Iowa where team member Keiran Best hails from. Side Note: Hotel le Palentines IS NOT a castle, it’s just a regular old semi-permanent subsidized housing development. Raoul says he doesn’t know much about Des Moines, Iowa but he figures Belgrade is a more appropriate sister city for St-Etienne.

HIGH POINTS
  • That today wasn’t yesterday.

LOW POINTS
  • That today was today still and not tomorrow.

IThree Notable Observations from Stage 04
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Today’s KEY Observation: No matter how hard we look at it and project our desires onto it, this race is still Paris-Nice and not Tirreno-Adriatico.

 

Today’s Other Observation: Europe doesn’t have (wild) animals because they ate them all, like, a thousand years ago or something.

 

Today’s Other Other Observation: All the Côtes feature stacks of old car tires piled up and on display somewhere near the edge of the road. What’s the story with that? Are old car tires hill-top farming tools? Are they art?

 

Today’s Last Observation: Today’s Playlist includes at least two, maybe more, non-ironic, actually good songs. So please spend some extra time with the Stage 04 Playlist if you can.

IIMFS Day Five Update
  1. It’s 1:33 AM.
  2. Raoul ordered fried prawns for dinner tonight. They came with the head and shell or skin whatever. The head was easy, you rip that off and discard it because you’re a westerner, and you eat like you were born some place where a proper appreciation for protein was not instilled at an early age. But the shells, can you eat those? Raoul didn’t. Ian did. Which leads me to a Question: I can hear Ian snoring in the other room so I know he’s not dead yet, but is he going to die, from the shells?
  3. Why are we at this race? By the end of Stage One it was clear that this race was boring. Big time. I made a comment to Raoul about it and he said, “Yeah, that’s why I told you to go to the Strade Bianche and Tirreno-Adriatico.” I vaguely remember that email but at the time I remember thinking, the schedule was set, we’re locked. Who put this race on that schedule? Why was/is this race on that schedule, and who does the setting!? After my conversation with Raoul I started asking other people about this race, and invariably everyone says this race is stupid. Klaus had this semi-constructive thing to say about this race:
“That race has off years, which is why some racers go to Adriatico instead on a year like this. It's weird that a race can be won by Tony Martin one year and Contador the next. It's just a matter of the organizers choosing to make the race exciting or not, and this year is an off year.”Klaus
  1. Whatever the implications and ramifications of being at this race are, we stayed at a Scooby-Doo castle, and nobody can take that away from us.
  2. The race is boring but France is not, just pack salt.
  3. Five days ago or whatever, when we were in Paris, some French dude stopped me on the street to talk about Baltimore on account of my Orioles baseball cap. Apparently he lived there for several years and fell in love with baseball. I enjoyed talking to him.
  4. Not all Haribo gummy candies are delicious. I’m not saying just stick with the bears, but it’s definitely not the worst idea.
IIIDear Nike
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Come on, just look at how SICK that photo is! Think about what you're missing out on!!!!!

We know that the reason you haven’t responded to any of our letters is because you are super busy designing and manufacturing Flyknits and not because you don’t care about us. We get it, right now, considering your work load, you don’t have the time for us. Which is so totally true, you don’t have the time for us!, that doesn’t matter, we don’t mind, we totally get it. You’ll call when you can, we know that. You’ve got a lot on your plate, and look, you are AWESOME at flyknits, nothing can change that. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!!! Okay, but still, and this is so embarrassing but whatever, you probably already think we’re crazy since we’ve never really met but we keep sending you all these like 15 page letters (with snaps included!) and we own EVERY FLYKNIT YOU’VE EVER MADE and so on and so forth, but… okay… sometimes we pretend that when the UPS or FedEx guy comes trotting up the stairs to our place with a package in his hands—oh my God, we can’t believe we’re even telling you this—we imagine it’s from you, from your like Celebrity Sponsorship Department. And there’s like this hand typed card in the box that is all,

Dear MFS

I’m sorry it’s taken us so long to get back to you but yes, we’d be honored to give you free shoes for the remainder of your natural born lives, as we admire your work and respect the shit out of everything you guys do. In fact, we’ve been talking about sending you to the 2016 Rio Olympics to document Track and Field and archery (obvs). Would you be into that? In the meantime, please find these ten pairs of Special Limited Edition Gold Lamé Japanese/Kanye West Collaboration Flyknits (aka SLEGLJ/KCFs, duh) as a token of our good faith and intention. Speaking of Kanye West, he’s a HUGE fan, would you mind if he tags along with you guys as a correspondent during the Tour de France or something?  Anyways feel free to wear them at races in the mountains and get them wet and whatever—you didn’t pay for them!!!!

 

P.S., do you guys have any more of those Shibori shirts in stock, size medium? Totes need one!!!

Love, Phil
IVChoosing Thai Food in St. Etienne Using Yelp
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Hotel le Paletines in St.Étienne, France.
  1. Le Bangkok has several bad reviews.
  2. Bonheur d’Asie has many very favorable reviews, but it closed in 2012 due to a “Health Problem.” We assumed, based on the reviews, that it was a Health Problem related to the owner or chef of Bonheur d’Asie and not a customer.
  3. Battambang has a medium number of moderate reviews.
  4. Everything else was ruled out for one reason or another; distance, business hours, etc.
  5. Based on our options and the nature of the reviews and what we knew about France, we really wanted Bonheur d’Asie to be in business, but it just wasn’t.
  6. So we went to Battambang.
  7. We ordered one chicken curry, one ginger beef, one fried prawns, one pineapple chicken, two shrimp crêpes, two spring roll, two rice, two noodle and one chicken with fried noodle. Considering that the French hate salt, and that we were eating Cambodian food in St.-Etienne, France, the meal was 100% employable.

 

For you enjoyment we have published a selection of their menu and the corresponding google translations of their menu below.

 

Nos Viandes de Boeuf

 

  • 54 Boeuf aux champignons noirs 6€80
  • 55 Boeuf aux oignons 6€70
  • 56 Boeuf au curry 6€60
  • 57 Boeuf à l’impérial (pimenté) 6€70
  • 58 Boeuf au gingembre 7€00
  • 59 Boeuf Loc-lac (chinoise) 7€00
  • 60 Brochette de boeuf cambodgien 7€50

 

Our Beef Meat11HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

  • 54 Beef with black mushrooms 6 € 80
  • 55 Beef with onions 6 € 70
  • 56 Beef curry 6 € 60
  • 57 Imperial Beef (spicy) 6 € 70
  • 58 Ginger Beef 7 € 00
  • 59 Beef Loc Lac(Chinese) .7 € 00
  • 60 Cambodian beef skewer 7 € 50
VStage 04 Playlist by Assorted FM Radio Stations
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VIStart: Varenne-sur-Allier
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New Balance, is an American footwear manufacturer based in the Brighton neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts, United States (US). The company was founded in 1906 as the "New Balance Arch Support Company" and is one of the world's major sports footwear manufacturers.
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Hanabiko "Koko" (born July 4, 1971), is a western lowland gorilla known for its ability to communicate with humans. Koko communicates by using hand signs from a modified version of American Sign Language (ASL).
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Michael Matthews, nickname: Bling. Reason for nickname, "When I started cycling I had bracelets and chains and everything on me – every piece of jewelry you could imagine as well as the low baggy shorts and the really long shirts"
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The French ban on face covering prohibits the concealment of the face in public. It is an act of parliament passed on September 2010. It resulted in a ban on the wearing of face-covering headgear, including masks, helmets, balaclava, niqābs and other veils covering the face in public places, except under specified circumstances.
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Boys Blue Ninja Avenger Costume Now Available from partycity.com

Price - Was $24.99 Now $15.00 Be prepared to combat enemies in our Blue Ninja Avenger Costume! This stealthy costume for boys features a blue long-sleeved shirt and matching pants, made of lightweight poly-knit fabric. A soft, fabric hood covers the head and has an attached face scarf that pulls up over the bottom half of the face. A foam vest, printed with a golden dragon head and gray details that look like armor, is worn over the shirt and gives this Ninja Avenger Costume authenticity and charisma.

Boys Blue Ninja Avenger Costume includes: Shirt, Vest, Hood & Pants
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Fog, by Carl Sandburg

The fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
VIIAlong the Course
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VIIIArronnes
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IXCol du Beau-Louis
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Mountain Biking, known in the France as VTT, is a sport in which cyclists who aren’t talented or gifted enough to take advantage of the many wonderful and challenging aspects of a well thought-out road, use crude and bulky facsimiles of our beautiful road machines to “ride” upon the undeveloped footpaths, hobo trails, and livestock tracks of the Jerk-Woods that so often surround the village-towns of France. Use caution when approaching or interacting with these VTT brutes, history shown them to be irate and dangerous. 
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Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
Accouncement • Anuncio • annonce • 公告
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The term "Short Shorts" was a description Bob Gaudio and Tom Austin had given to the cutoff jeans teenage girls were wearing during the summer of 1957. They formed a band called the Royal Teens and released a single “Short Shorts” that went to #3 in the US in 1958.
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Snack Attack is a 1982 computer game for the Apple II family of computers, created by Dan Illowsky and published by Datamost.
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The peregrine is renowned for its speed, reaching over 320 km/h (200 mph) during its characteristic hunting stoop (high speed dive)!
XCôte de St-Bonnet-les-Oules
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XICôte de La Gimond
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Body Language Tip: " A hand on the forehead or head communicates forgetfulness, the person is signaling how they feel about you or the situation by placing their hand in this position."
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Hey bud, what f-stop you got?
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According to Forbes magazine multitasking doesn't work. Not only that, "multitasking can be expensive, and dangerous."
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Haaaay!
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XIISt. Chamond
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XIIICol de la Croix de Chaubouret
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#chilleurs
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The Col de la Croix de Chaubouret (elevation 1,201 metres (3,940 ft)) is a mountain pass in France, located in the Pilat massif in the Loire. It is between Graix and Le Bessat.
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On the day that Romain Bardet was born (November 9, 1990), Nepal issued a new democratic constitution.
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Fanta came about due to the difficulties of importing Coca-Cola syrup into Nazi Germany during World War II.
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According to Urban Dictionary, "humping the fence" means "Not taking a specific side of two of more arguments. The fence being the dividing line."
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XIVSt. Eitenne / Ritz aka Residence Les Palatines
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XVA Typology of Just Normal Dudes Tryin' to Get Home After a Long Day at Work
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