2015 Tour de France: Stage 19
road-racing

2015 Tour de France: Stage 19

Friday - July 24, 2015 - Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne

I don’t know about you but I’m getting tired of these things. I mean, in some ways, it’s proof that the Tour de France is the Greatest Sporting Event in the History of the World. What other sport lasts this long?

TABLE OF CONTENTS MFS TEAM
Layer_9
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Owner/Operator, Photographer, Writer and Publisher
Layer_5
Emiliano Granado
Owner/Operator, Photographer and Photo Editor
RACE BIBLE
START

Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne

FINISH

La Toussuire

DISTANCE

138 km

KOMS

Col du Chaussy 15.5 km (15.4 km @ 6.3%, Cat 1); Col de la Croix de Fer, 83 km (22.4 km @ 6.9%, HC); Col du Mollard, 103 km (5.8 km @ 6.8%, Cat 2); La Toussuire, 138 km (18 km @ 6.1%, Cat 1)

SPRINTS

Épierre, 42 km

WINNING TIME

4:22:53

TOP 3 FINISHERS
  1. Vincenzo Nibali (4:22:53)
  2. Nairo Quintana (+0:00:44)
  3. Christopher Froome (+0:01:140
TOP 3 GC STANDINGS
  1. Christopher Froome (78:37:34)
  2. Nairo Quintana (+0:02:38)
  3. Alejandro Valverde (+0:05:25)
COURSE DESCRIPTION [OFFICIAL]

Dans les Alpes, nous embauchons des enfants pour rendre nos routes. Nous leur avons fait montrer une montagne et on a dit, ” hey kid, nous avons besoin d’une route qui monte cette montagne, pour y arriver.” Ensuite, nous leur donnons un crayon et du papier et ils gribouillent ce que la route devrait ressembler. Et nous l’avons fait.

MANUAL FOR SPEED BIBLE
TIME OF FILING

3:33 AM

ACCOMMODATION

We are in a mid-80’s low-income Apartment Building originally located in Moscow, Russia. In 1994 it was bought by the Valmeinier Ski Resort and relocated by helicopter to the base of Mont Thabor, a 3,207 meter Alpe across the street from Col du Galibier. The property is now called ‘Résidence Pierre et Vacances Le Thabor’. We have sheets AND towels (see below, Race Report), though we have to make our own beds (they are unmade, and our sheets/towels are still in packaging). The building has an elevator.

WIFI DETAILS
The internet here is still reliable and good and problem-free.
WEATHER
HOT!!!!!!!!!!!! So hot, but only at the start in the lowlands. On/in the Alps it was breezy, cool and cloudy. With sporadic sprinkles and intermittent drizzle.
NUMBER OF STEPS

9,934 steps or 4.8 miles

TODAY'S OBJECTIVES
COURSE DESCRIPTION [UNOFFICIAL]

I mean, we’re in the Alpes. It’s all rad. Everywhere we went. Every road, every village, every Col regardless of category, everything, all of it, was stunning. Chapeau France.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #1

Everyday at least once a day the Caravan Hall Monitor—I don’t know what the car is called, or what their official capacity is, but there is this one car that drives in the front of the front of the caravan, it has speed limit stickers all over it and a PA system, announcing, we think, instructions about staying off the course—instructs us to turn our headlights on. First of all, they carry a dedicated paddle with a dashboard headlight symbol printed on it, which they hold out the window and flash at you if for whatever reason your lights aren’t on. Our lights are never on. But listen, seriously, how much more safety do daytime headlights provide?

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #2

Today on the Col du Chaussy I got sunburned and wet at the same (literal-actual-physical) time. I’m not saying it was sunny and raining at the same time, that’s whatever, that happens. I’m saying it was so sunny and so rainy that I got sunburned and wet at the literal same time.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #3

At breakfast, if you want to call it that, we were given butter in individually wrapped pats. They had obviously been in the refrigerator until two minutes ago. Emiliano placed several pats up against his coffee cup in an effort to hurry the softening process.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #4

N/a

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #5

N/A

MEAL & FOOD REPORT

Breakfast (On the Alpe under our apartment building)

  1. WORST BREAKFAST YET. No menu. Just a basket of old bread, burnt coffee, boiled milk and a handful of butter and jelly packets. 17 euros.

Lunch (various boulangeries)

  1. Why is eating so difficult in France? Why, why, why is it so hard to eat here? Emiliano purchased a build-it-yourself baguette kit. I purchased a bag of day-old pain au chocolates.
  2. Cafe Creme.

Dinner (Restaurant Les Lauzes)

  1. I ate a pizza with an egg on top. And a salad with an egg, tuna, corn and jambon on top.
  2. Emiliano ate Steak Frites.
  3. We both had several coffees and glace. Emi had two balls and no whip cream. I had two balls with whip cream, or as the French say, “chantilly.”
  4. And a bottle of San Pellegrino.
RETRACTIONS/CORRECTIONS/APOLOGIES

I’m not going to tell you what we did. But after paying 17 euros for a “Pity Breakfast,” we did something bad to a parking lot. We don’t think it’s a felony. Either way, felony, misdemeanor, whatever, it’s not important, what’s important is that we’re deeply and sincerely sorry for our behavior that may or may not have been captured on Closed Circuit TV.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Chapeau socialism!"
-Emiliano commenting on the apartment buildings in “downtown” Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne.
"I think I’m scared we’re going to get arrested. I’m already illegal in Italy, I can’t afford to be illegal in France too. But dude, I feel alive for the first time in days."
-Daniel commenting on aprés breakfast activities.
"Let's go get a coffee hug."
-Anonymous
"How many balls deep is your glass hole?"
-Daniel asking Emiliano how many scoops of ice cream he intended to order for dessert. In France ice cream comes in balls, not scoops.
"Unless we see a Starbucks we’re not stopping. "
-Emiliano on the subject of boundaries.
"Is there a reason why you have your oven open? "
-Emiliano asking Daniel to roll-up his window using sleep deprived-type terminology.
"Hey Jered what’s the matter? You lose your grube?"
-Emiliano showing Jered Gruber some concern regarding Jered’s frowny face.
"To understand how tedious France can be, ask a French person to tell you how to say the number 97."
-Tim, our Trek buddy.
"See you tomorrow at the handjob."
-@bigtakeover, a French guy we know. Apparently we used the word handjob instead of finish in our Stage 7 Race report. We just learned that tonight.
IDear World
Race Report

I don’t know about you but I’m getting tired of these things. I mean, in some ways, it’s proof that the Tour de France is the Greatest Sporting Event in the History of the World. What other sport lasts this long? I mean people talk about cricket, five day matches or whatever. Five days, piece of cake. Tennis? Not even close. The Dakar Rally? Nope it’s only thirteen days and they use engine-cars. Think about it, what other sport has month-long competitions? There isn’t one because no other sport is as stupid as cycling. Cycling is the stupidest sport in the world. Everything else as stupid as cycling has been cancelled or modified or mitigated or subjugated or neutered on some level. Not cycling, not the Tour de France! It’s as barbaric today as it was one thousand years ago. Or whenever it started.

 

Speaking of which, can we talk about the Alps? I don’t know how these mountains work but they have an individual quality to them. Most mountains are like peaks built onto the back of one big solid hump of rock that stretches for hundreds of miles in every direction. Not the Alps, nope. They’re like individual buildings. Like the skyscrapers in New York. They have the verticality of buildings too, which is what must give them that scale thing they’re so famous for. If you look over the edge and straight down you’re basically looking at sea level.

 

Speaking of edges I was pushed several times today. Even spectating is a competition, a battle. People take it maybe too seriously. It’s been a LONG TIME since a complete stranger casually pushed me in the back with both hands and thought it would okay. It wasn’t okay. I almost fell over. I almost dropped my camera. I wasn’t stopping to block his shot. And dude, dont fucking touch me even if I was, let it go. I did, I moved on to the other side of the climb where a dude with iPad also assaulted me and touched me non-consensually. It’s too much. The Tour de France is too much. I can’t win.

 

All this talk of winning reminds me, today we watched Nibali win. From a McDonald’s back on the ground in the direction of our Alpe. I’ve forgotten how much I love watching the finish of a race because it’s been so long since I have. In every way today was the first day we actually saw the race. On a TV in a McDonald’s. It was amazing, this race looks amazing. Plus, cycling, are you fucking kidding me? Do you see the way these guys go down murderous roads and go up skyscrapers without an elevator and just a stupid bike?

FROM THE MFS SHOP
TDF ALL-STARS: Nibali T-Shirt
$35.00

Digital print on white American Apparel 2001 t-shirts (images are of mock-ups, final design size/position may differ slightly). Limited edition. This listing is a pre-order, delivery is expected in mid-August.

FROM THE MFS SHOP
IIToday's Highs & Lows
HIGH POINTS
  • 25 bucks by Danny Brown feat. Purity Ring while surfing the race down an Alpe.

  • Running into Mr. and Mrs. Raoul on Col de la Croix de Fer!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Having a nose-to-nose altercation with a spectator, looking up midway through shouting into his face something along the lines of You Better Back the Fuck Off and realizing I was being videoed, all celebrity-misbehaving-style. The altercation wasn’t a high point, the altercation sucked. But being videoed while behaving at my worst was oddly a high point. I’m not sure I could explain why.

LOW POINTS
  • This morning’s austerity breakfast. Our breakfast tasted like, and felt like, and vibed like, how sometimes a nice family on a farm will feed a wandering homeless person or two down on their luck. The farming family says “I’m not sure I should, but just go around back and I will give you some bread and a cup of coffee but then you will need to be on your way.”

  • Using a laundry bag for a pillow.

  • Spectators refusing to let us move their bikes three feet in order to pull off the course and park

  • Getting pushed with two hands in the back by a guy while walking up the course.

  • Getting shoulder-checked by a guy with an iPad while walking down the course.

manualforspeed_tourdefrance2015_stage19-france
IIIBottle Boy's Highs & Lows
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Bottle Boy is Myles Lund!
manualforspeed_tourdefrance2015_stage14-74
HIGH POINTS
  • We walked to today’s stage on the Mollard from our apartment, a converted 1849 barn.

  • We found a Flemish shanty town with awesome beer, people, and bass-tacular techno.

  • Seriously this was like a random Andrew WK-level party on the climb.

  • Watching the publicity caravan take hand-ups. It seems they have an established exchange arrangement: Cochonou sausages for beer. Multiple Lotto-Soudal cars also stopped for a beer.

  • I’ve already collected 5 of the 6 free hats the caravan distributes daily.

  • A drunk Flemish guy tried on the Bottle boy costume and ran around yelling about how the suit smells like “American Sweat.”

  • The Lotto-Soudal team dances to techno on climbs more than any other team.

  • Three Brits we met were dressed as foxhunters.

LOW POINTS
  • Walking to the stage from our apartment was rough. Not as bad as riding, but walking 6 km uphill with the bottle bag wasn’t great.

  • I tried to ride the Col de la Croix de Fer this morning but the gendarmes were kicking people off bikes at 10 AM. No good. I walked a mile through town in S-Works shoes and Speedplay cleats before I gave up.

  • Another day went by and I failed again to get one of the coveted Bic cycling caps.

  • Typing these High Points & Low Points on my phone because of weefee problems.

  • I’m living on Madeleines and Cochonou sausages.

IVLearning French Phrases #10
A Special Audio Edition with @bigtakeover

13. Chapeau, Manual for Speed!

VToday's Playlist
VISaint-Jean-de-Maurienne Start
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Chapeau socialism!
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What does it all mean?
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Is THIS the best display you could manage?
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VIICol du Chaussy
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Hi Sven Kramer! (Sven Kramer is a big deal in The Netherlands.)
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VIIICol de la Croix de Fer
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IXValmeinier Ski Resort
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2015 Tour de France: Stage 19 SHARE Facebook Twitter
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