2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 03
road-racing

2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 03

Wednesday - August 19, 2015 - Copper Mountain, CO

You can’t swing a dead cat around Summit County without hitting a multi-million dollar ski resort.

TABLE OF CONTENTS MFS TEAM
Layer_9
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Owner/Operator, Photographer, Writer and Publisher
Layer_2
Kyle Von Hoetzendorff
Writer, Editor
Special Guest Rebecca Gates Sound Artist
RACE BIBLE
START

Copper Mountain

FINISH

Aspen

DISTANCE

101.2 mi

KOMS

Freemont Pass, 6.2 mi (Cat 4); Independence Pass, 81.6 mi (Cat 1)

SPRINTS

Leadville, 43.0 mi; Twin Lakes, 64.2 mi

WINNING TIME

3:56:52

TOP 3 FINISHERS
  1. KIEL REIJNEN!!!!, 3:56:52
  2. Rohan Dennis, +0:00:00
  3. Ruben Zepuntke, +0:00:00
TOP 3 GC STANDINGS
  1. Brent Bookwalter, 12:13:02
  2. Rohan Dennis, +0:00:06
  3. Jonathan Clarke, +0:00:10
COURSE DESCRIPTION [OFFICIAL]

Another new twist on an old favorite, but this time it is the opening that changes. Copper Mountain plays host to its first ever Pro Challenge stage and sends off Stage 3 in style. While familiar terrain and faces await the race on Independence Pass and Aspen.
No rest for the weary this day as the climbing starts right away with the ascent of Freemont Pass. Then onto the gorgeous shores of Turquoise Lake and a quick sprint through Leadville. But that is just the appetizer, the main course awaits on the upper slopes of Independence Pass and then down its breathtaking descent into Aspen where some of the most memorable moments in Pro Challenge history have played out.
PS- Over half of Stage 3 race mileage takes place above 10,000’. Bring your lungs

MANUAL FOR SPEED BIBLE
TIME OF FILING

11:04 PM

ACCOMMODATION

Pokolodi Lodge

WIFI DETAILS
So we checked in and Daniel fired up his computer, plugged in the WiFi password (it’s Summer15 if you’re in the area, but I have a feeling they change the code every season.) and said it was like lightning. Great I thought. This is great. But this was all before I would have the chance to log into my own computer, because we left Snowmass for the Hickory House (see food report, below) in Aspen. Upon return I was giddy, I was going to be dialing up lightning, dig? A world of information was only click away. But then I logged in, and rather than a flash of lightning there was only a dim glimmer, the word connecting... appeared in a DOS-style font at the bottom of my tab, and stayed for a long time. I asked around; Daniel and Rebecca weren’t having any problems, they were riding the lightning so to speak. Despair. Minutes felt like hours, seconds felt like minutes, WTF?! Then, by the grace of God, the internet went active. I mean I could search, stream, scan, feed, all of it, all of the things the internet does and it was and it is wonderful. Let’s just pray it holds.
WEATHER
Colorado is so sunny, 200 hundred days a year plus and, AND, it’s August, you know, summer. BUUUT we spent the day above 10,000 feet. So despite the sun and the summer it was cold and windy, at least on Independence Pass. Plus, now my lips are chapped.
NUMBER OF STEPS

13,414 or 6.2 miles

TODAY'S OBJECTIVES
  1. Get to the race on time. ✓+++
  2. Shoot the House of Pain at the top of Independence Pass. ✓
  3. Eat something green. X
COURSE DESCRIPTION [UNOFFICIAL]

It seems silly but it looks like the creators of the official race description thought that lungs are something people choose to take with them. As if lungs are a choice. They’re not, and, SURPRISE!, every one of the racers came fully equipped with a set of lungs to the race today.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #1

You can’t swing a dead cat around Summit County without hitting a multi-million dollar ski resort.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #2

Colorado is beautifully boring. There are vistas everywhere: mountains, valleys, trees, rocks, even the stripmines recall something precious and sentimental.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #3

There are a lot of Sweeping Ass Curves on these roads.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #4

If you’re a man who goes by the name Larry David while working at the cowboy-themed Starbucks in Frisco, Colorado, you might enjoy sports and drinking; more precisely you might like to “Get tuned while getting tuned.” You might even be tuned drunk at your post. This might put off the average coffee consumer, and that is understandable. But let me tell you: Frisco Larry David still makes a damn fine Americano.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #5

We’ve been living off roadside Mexican food, Americanos, and tan meats for the past three days. The odor in our hotel room is unpleasant.

MEAL & FOOD REPORT

Today started off where yesterday stopped: the Whole Foods across the street from the Alpine Inn. But in the light of day this particular Whole Foods had lost a large amount of its luster. What may have been an A- Whole Foods the night before, when we stumbled in near closing time, starved from a long day of blog work and mentally fatigued after watching nearly all of The Matrix (on BBC America, with all the commercials), was now barely a B. And that’s putting it nicely. The breakfast burritos languished on a bed of grease, the pastries were picked over, the juice selection was straight out of the ‘80s. Still though it was a Whole Foods, and while it had its faults, we were able to scrounge up enough items to get us through the day. And we went long. No lunch, just a bag of sour gummy bears and a few handfuls of almonds to get us through the day. We survived, eventually making our way to the Hickory House. Billed as Colorado’s Best Barbecue, the HH is located in downtown Aspen and appears to have been decorated by a 90’s ski movie set designer. Daniel and I each ordered the protein platter, essentially three plops of meat in different shades of tan. It wasn’t bad bad, it just wasn’t good. We each forked in a couple scoops of tan, enough to get us through the night, and left the rest.

RETRACTIONS/CORRECTIONS/APOLOGIES

MFS feels like Owen Wilson and Lake Bell should apologize for making NO Escape. It looks like a complete pile and nothing good will come of it.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I wouldn’t mind having that strength and balance, but I wouldn’t ride a unicycle to get it."
-Rebecca Gates
"Dave Towle is the soundtrack of my life!"
-Taylor Phinney
"Stan, did you pack the Baileys?"
-Dale
"Get in there Dale!"
-Stan
"You really want the rest of this mojito!?"
-Anonymous
"Let’s get back to the pants party!"
-Anonymous
"My dad had really bad cramping in Leadville."
-Anonymous
"You don’t mind if I get into my internet suit do you?"
-Anonymous
IDear Motels

First, I want to thank you for doing all the things that you do. Roofs, Floors, Doors, Sinks, Toilets, Showers, and Lights; for the most part you get these things right. But what’s up with these pillows? These pillow are all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Sure, by definition they are pillows: “sealed bags stuffed with soft material”, but they are not comfortable, and comfort is really the name of the game when you’re talking about pillows. It’s not like you’re dealing with new technology here. I’ll give you WiFi, for a few more years I am going to expect your WiFi to be inconsistent. It’s only been around for a decade or so.

“But pillow tech is ancient: Mongols had em, Hittites had them, I mean cavemen were probably pondering the secret of fire while laying their heads on an appropriately formed pile of mud or leaves.”KVH

But the pillows you’re putting in rooms completely disregard aeons of pillow development. And it’s not just one brand of hotel that has decided spit in the face of comfort, but all of you. Why?

 

This feels a little like a conspiracy, but I can’t see the end game? Are you so sure that we can’t do without your services that we’ll just continue to pay you to sleep on your crappy pillows? Maybe you’re simply misguided. I’ll admit that these overstuffed pillows look great all lined up dutifully on the bed, maybe you did a focus group on pillows and you didn’t go far enough, you asked people to consider what the pillows look like and not what they feel like and figured, eh, that’s good enough. Whatever the case, you have made a grave error by backing the overstuffed pillow.

 

These overstuffed bricks are anything but comfortable. Yes, the neck can, if need be, bend at a 90 degree angle, but it shouldn’t stay in that position. Like the 90 is a temporary thing. Keeping the neck in such a position can get really uncomfortable, and this is the opposite of what a pillow should do. See what I’m saying? The pillows that you’re supplying are disgracing the history of the pillow. It sucks. Please reconsider your approach to the pillow, because we don’t want to lose anymore sleep over it.

IIToday's Highs & Lows
HIGH POINTS
  • Getting to the start of the race on time.

  • Having our friend Rebecca Gates on board as our guest Audio Expert.

  • Rebecca’s blue Rajneesh outfit.

  • Finding the Sour Gummy Bears in the center console just before departing the car for a two hour immersion in the House of Pain.

  • The fact that Eric Slack,one of the original Exergy guys, is on Team Jelly Belly and we get to yell at him!

LOW POINTS
  • Daniel’s flash was being a dick.

  • The start of the race.

  • Having to endure the tired licentiousness of the House of Pain for two hours.

  • The flat, bright, uncompromising white mountain light.

IIIToday's Top Dave Towle Quotes
“Kiel is what we would call one of the men in the Peloton.”Dave Towle “Ted King, the untapped Maple Waffle is a 10 out of 10!”Dave Towle
IVToday's Playlist
VCopper Mountain
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S T I N K Y C A R L
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HIIIIIIIIII ERIK!
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A Brief Typology of Riders Signing In Above Us
Put your John Hancock right here! Haha! Great! Have a good race out there, hope you brought your lungs! Hah!
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That's John Hickenlooper, the governor.
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Daniel's Flash Being A Dick, fig. 1
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VIIIndependence Pass
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VIIIAspen

Facts Courtesy of Wikipedia

 

  1. Name Origin: From trees around the city.
  2. Country: USA
  3. State: Colorado
  4. Region: Western Slope
  5. County: Pitkin
  6. River: Roaring Fork River
  7. Elevation: 7,890 ft (2,405 m)
  8. Highest Point: At SW corner of city boundary (8,460 ft – 2,579 m)
  9. Lowest Point: Roaring Fork at N corner of city (7,660 ft – 2,335 m)
  10. Area: 3.5 square miles (9 square kilometers)
  11. Population: 6,658
  12. Density: 1,900 / square mile (734 / square kilometer)
  13. Settled: 1879
  14. Incorporated: 1881
  15. Government: Home Rule Municipality, council-manager (Aspen City Hall, 7,940 ft – 2,420 m)
  16. Mayor: Steve Skadron
  17. City Manager: Steve Barwick
  18. Timezone: MST/MDT (UTC-7/UTC-6)
  19. ZIP Codes: 81611, 81612 (PO Boxes)
  20. Area Code: 970
  21. Exchanges: 920-925
  22. INCITS Place Code: 0803620
  23. GNIS Feature ID: 0204686
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