2016 American Tour of Kalifornia: Stage 07
road-racing

2016 American Tour of Kalifornia: Stage 07

Saturday - May 21, 2016 - Santa Rosa

But I do want to tell you something: as much as I might feign disinterest and try on airs of disassociation I can tell you that every single day when that first rider crosses the finish line, it is spine tingling. This sport is beautiful.

TABLE OF CONTENTS MFS TEAM
Layer_9
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Owner/Operator, Photographer, Writer and Publisher
Layer_2
Kyle Von Hoetzendorff
Writer, Editor
manualforspeed_americantourofkalifornia_2016_stage07-allez
ATOK Stage 07 Allez-O-Meter
The stage was cool, it was in the sun, it did neat things. Sagan continues to cement his status as a demigod by breaking away from the field while breaking the field. He did this for a bit, then sat up when the headwinds started dinging him with 40mph gusts. While waiting for the peloton to catch up he ate a sandwich and then jumped back in, slowly sliding backwards eyeballing each rider as they rolled by. The camera didn’t catch it but I am pretty sure none of them could meet his glare. Later, in the final sprint, he lost by around an inch. An inch > < an inch. This was after he went for a ride by himself for most of the day, only to decide that it would be more fun for him to just win the field sprint. I guess even for demigods some things don’t go 100% to plan.
Special Correspondent Rebecca Gates Audio Expert
Special Correspondent Josh Rogers Color Commentary & Boundless Enthusiasm
RACE BIBLE
START

Santa Rosa

FINISH

Santa Rosa

DISTANCE

175.5km

KOMS

Harrison Grade Road (Cat 3, 1.9km @ 7.6%), 19.5km; King Ridge Road (Cat 1 1.9km @ 11.6%), 57km; King Ridge Road (Cat 3, 1.3km @ 8.6%), 61.5km; Hauser Bridge Road (Cat 2, 2.8km @ 8.2%), 79km; Seaview Road (Cat 3, 1.8km @ 7.2%), 87.5km; Coleman Valley Road (Cat 2, 2.5km @ 7.9%), 123km

SPRINTS

Cazadero, 48km; Carmet Beach, 119.5km

WINNING TIME

4:19:52

TOP 3 FINISHERS
  1. Alexander Kristoff, Team Katusha 4:19:52
  2. Peter Sagan, Tinkoff Team s/t
  3. Danny Van Poppel, Team Sky s/t
TOP 3 GC STANDINGS
  1. Julian Alaphilippe, Etixx – Quick-Step 24:46:38
  2. Rohan Dennis, BMC Racing Team +0:00:16
  3. Brent Bookwalter, BMC Racing Team +0:00:38
COURSE DESCRIPTION [OFFICIAL]

Stage 7 will begin and end in longtime host city Santa Rosa in the heart of Sonoma County wine county, one of the many fantastic viticulture hot beds the race will pass through this year. It will cover some of the same territory as the popular annual Levi’s GranFondo event.

 

The course will be rolling throughout with four Lexus King of the Mountain points along King Ridge Road, Pacific Coast Highway and Coleman Valley Road. These country roads through redwoods, coastline and forests will keep the peloton attentive with the feeling of riding on the edge of a continent.

 

With a crucial time trial the day prior, this penultimate stage in the general classification competition will most likely feature aggressive racing and a small group vying on the downtown circuits of the flat finish.

MANUAL FOR SPEED BIBLE
TIME OF FILING

1:59 AM

ACCOMMODATION

TownePlace Suites Marriott. Our hotel room has a phone hanging next to the toilet à la Howard Hughes. Does this mean I am going save our urine and fingernail clippings in mason jars? Why, you want to buy some?

WIFI DETAILS
It’s working. IT IS WORKING! I just looked up Howard Hughes. Turns out he had OCD, but he also had a telephone mounted to the wall next to his toilet. From what I understand there’s no definitive answer as to whether it’s the phone or the OCD that caused Hughes start stockpiling his piss. Science just can’t figure it out. I guess that’s why he was a genius. Like Al Gore and the internet that he invented. Genius Genius Genius
WEATHER
It started raining just before the start of the men’s race. It didn’t rain long, but it rained. Fortunately I was around buildings, there were roofs to be had, and I was sure that the media room was being kept dry by the flapping wings of tweet after incisive tweet. No, I was good on my end, however I was a little concerned for Daniel. He been given the “golden saddle,” a ride on one of the photo motos, and there was a chance mother nature would be doing water tears on him all day. You see, he hadn’t brought any proper rain gear #becausecalifornia and last night (the night before the stage you are about to fully immerse yourself in) we searched the Rohnert Target and the Rohnert Big 5 for suitable rain gear, unfortunately there was nothing that would suit him. He would be heading into the wild on the back of a steel horse as if he were a young towheaded runaway from one of Larry Clark’s early works, naive and brave but woefully unprepared for all the evil things that pass through this world. However misfortune missed its mark and the peloton spent nearly the entire day in the sunshine, riding with perfect cadence into their bright, beautiful, perfect futures.
NUMBER OF STEPS

N/A

TODAY'S OBJECTIVES
  1. Find Daniel some rain pants so that, in the event that it does rain while he’s on a motorcycle, he doesn’t get wet. Pretty straightforward. X
  2. Catch the finish of the women’s race. Which, unfortunately started way too early for anyone. I mean who do they think we are, Garbage Men? Baristas? I think it’s a sad commentary on our society when a race would consider women worms, objects that only early birds can get. This makes me sick sick sick. ✓
COURSE DESCRIPTION [UNOFFICIAL]

The dudes basically rode out to the coast, dipped a toe, and rode back; your typical day at the beach. Were there mountains in the way? There should have been. Daniel was on a motorcycle and he said it was pretty, that the riding here is great, that we should come back with our bikes, when we own our own time, and dip a toe in the ocean, it’s worth it. So they do this ride to the coast and back thing, and then, once back they do a little dog going to sleep deal in downtown Santa Rosa and take a couple of turns around the city before finally settling down.  

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #1

The Eritrean fans are the best, THE BEST. They are so psyched, they have so much national pride and they love Daniel Teklehaimanot Girmazion. The Eritrean flag is composed of rad colors and all the supporters who come out for the race are decked out with flags, sashes, jerseys, earrings, headbands, socks, t-shirts, etc that are adorned with these fantastic colors. They cheer like beautiful demons. Thanks Eritrean Contingent.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #2

There is a theory that Peter Sagan was legit engineered, like Soviet communist bloc genome tampering style. If you watched the same race that I watched today, then you can’t deny this possibility, just like you can’t deny the possibility that Kubrick faked the moon landing or that there is an giant swimming giraffe in a Scottish lake that appears to live forever. Get out your abacus, do the math, these are undeniable facts.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #3

Road Cycling is made for television. It is SO SO SO fun to watch on television. The whole race just plays out in front of you, in sequence. What a goddamn wonderful time to be alive.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #4

All of you in the MFS family know that we traditionally don’t cruise with the reg media.We don’t have anything against them, but like Minor Threat and Fleetwood Mac, we go our own way. Normally our interaction with the Media Room starts and ends on day one when we pick up our badges, lanyards, and little manila folder with all the books, maps, and passes that we’ll need for the race. But today I went back. Today I used the media room. (A) There wasn’t any kind of coffee shop within a reasonable walking distance from the LifeStyle Festival/Team Bus/Start/Finish area. (B) It was fake raining a bunch. (C) I was tired and just wanted to go hide for a bit. (D) I needed to do some research, library style, and if the building the media room was in isn’t a library, it should be. (E) Pride’s an illusion and I wanted good wifi and Red Vines.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #5

Today’s course is probably one of the most amazing race road stages we’ve ever seen. It had all the elements: swoopers, bangers, swingers, zippers, shooters, sliders, dips, whoops, slaps, cramps, dingles, rippers, faints, sharps, whips, pops, lits, etc.—all of them, all of the adjectives. It had the sea, mountains, and the in-between. But you know what it didn’t have? It didn’t have spectators. Sure the start/finish was crowded, but what about all your road weasels, why weren’t you out there camping, picnicking, getting wasted drunk on the side of the road? Calling all road weasels, we need you, road racing needs you, America needs you. Make a weekend of it, pack your bike, buy some cheese, and enjoy the sport.

MEAL & FOOD REPORT

The food story of the day is Hana Sushi in Rohnert. Did we drink the Starbucks, etc? Who the fuck do you think we are? Of course we drank the Starbucks, we’re not primates, just because we’re not talking about the Starbucks doesn’t mean we didn’t consume buckets of the stuff. But by now you should know that. If you don’t, start here and work your way backwards until you hit the end of our website. You’ll get it. Anyway.

We went to Hana Sushi with our pal Kevin Franks, his wife Karrie, and there rad nine-year-old cowgirl Lulu. We work with Kevin on our Dead Reckoning project on Yonder Journal. He’s a cool dude. He told us about the one time he took a private plane to Egypt with Cippo for a product launch. The stand out moment was that some party to the launch hired 3000 Bedouins to line the road to their hotel holding torches. The food was really nice too, and the place sits on the edge of a putting green so it was tranquil, like sitting next to a duck pond.

RETRACTIONS/CORRECTIONS/APOLOGIES

Hey Folsom. I don’t want you to think that I hate you. In fact, FANS of MFS! If you’re interested in visiting an AARP theme park head to Folsom, you’ll love it.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
"'Reading Cinemas' that’s a funny name."
-Josh
"It's all Closed Captioning."
-KVH
"That room had a desk, no chair. You sit on the bed and work at the desk. It's the mullet of hotel desks."
-Kyle, on our Rohnert motel room.
"I'm leaving the bar but the party's not over."
-DWP
"It turns out the future wasn't now."
-DWP
"It's that Bay Area halo effect were dealing with… too expensive."
-KVH
"Do you want another Twix bar? I'll send my daughter out next Halloween to get you an extra."
-Anon
IRace Report

Dear Readers,

 

I wanted to talk to you about today’s race. How it was so long and there were so many riders and in the end it came down to only one inch.11Sound familiar? About everything that went into that. I wanted to talk to you about women’s racing, about how these ladies are out there bleeding out of their eyes, living out of box vans and taking wet wipe showers. We could talk about the lack of spectators on the course, the long transfers between each stage, the rat maze that was the fence setup at the start and finish line. But I don’t have time, I am tired, I am really really tired.

“But I do want to tell you something: as much as I might feign disinterest and try on airs of disassociation I can tell you that every single day when that first rider crosses the finish line, it is spine tingling. This sport is beautiful.”MFS
AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE™

If you found a pair of rain pants at a store other than Target or Big 5 Sporting Goods, or you just happened to come prepared with rain pants from home, then you won today’s Unfair Advantage Challenge.

IIToday's Highs & Lows
HIGH POINTS
  • I had lunch at a bar and watched the race. I watched Sagan eat a hoagie sandwich while waiting for the peloton to catch up, I watched him check his text messages and bang out a few tweets and talk to his DS, looks like they shared a good joke. Meanwhile Josh had ordered this Nutella milkshake that was sealed with a toasted marshmallow cap. He was so excited about it, which made me excited, which made Rebecca excited, and I think, based on the little smile that he had on his face when Josh took that first life affirming sip, made Sagan a little excited.

  • Tonight I discovered that Yumi Zouma released a new single. It’s called “Barricade (Matter of Fact).” I am listening to it now. You do you, but if you want to be a better you then check this little jam out.

LOW POINTS
  • Today there came a time when I needed to take care of some personal disposal issues while out in the field. I mean, I was at the media room, but if you’ve ever seen that animal park you know it’s as out in the field as out in the field can get. Anyway. I’m there and things are feeling real good. Like I am crushing emails, taking notes, jamming tunes, flying. It wasn’t a surprise, it wasn’t a literal, “Oh shit,” moment. I knew what was happening so I excused myself to the commode. Let’s cut to the chase: the automatic lights turned off on me while I was “using” and I’ll be damned if they weren’t a bitch to turn back on. Picture this: here I am, a grown man, perched upon one of these beautiful little numbers doing what I’ve done at least a hundred times before, then bam. UTTER AND COMPLETE DARKNESS. So I sit there, waving my arms like an angry chicken on six bumps of cocaine, and the light’s just not coming on. Here’s me in a fix, here’s me sad AF, here’s me cursing convenience, humanity, the whole thing. Finally, as if it had had enough fun, the light clicked back on. I looked at that sensor boy. I looked at it and was like, “I see you. I SEE you.”

Manual for Speed’s ATOK Coverage is supported by Clif Bar. Thanks, Clif Bar.

 

IIIStage 07 Most Animal Competition
An MFS Pilot Program for a New Classification

Manual for Speed has been commissioned to introduce a new race classification category called “Most Animal.” Points for the classification will be awarded on the basis of style, swagger, and grit. We’ve assembled an elite group of expert analysts who will be assessing and assigning points for performance. The most animal jersey for ATOK will be awarded at the end of the race.

 

 

PETER SAGAN: 8 pts

Listen, what’s more animal than blowing the race apart with 60K to go, striking fear into everyone in the peloton nursing cold sores and fighting sore throats and praying to survive to Sacramento? What’s more animal then destroying the dreams of grown men by forcing six guys to DNF? There is nothing more GRIZZLY than being off the front for 40 of the last 60K of a hilly stage and then sprinting to within a couple of inches of beating one of the world’s top sprinters who just had the lead-out of his life. Fuck marginal gains, saving for the final sprint, conserving til it counts, all of that shit which has caused road racing to be where it is. I’m telling you, Sagan is single-handedly saving this sport from becoming another racquetball or jai alai sensation. The man epitomizes animal.22Just thought this was a cool little point: Sagan freewheeling and waiting for the shattered peloton to catch him and stuffing goos down his gullet as if he was home manhandling Trdelníks after a mountain bike race.

 

 

KATUSHA: 5 pts

Named after a Russian missile system, they operated with typical Russian military precision and controlled what was left of the peloton coming into the Santa Rosa circuits and then put their Norwegian missile onto the top step of the podium. The watts those guys put out during the last 13k to string out the field and discourage attacks was enough to power the western seaboard for the weekend. Crazy power. It was an added bonus to see all those guys in the background, fists in the air in unison celebrating as they watched their Norwegian snatch a lucky victory… I say lucky cuz Sagan felt like playing around off the front for a lot of the day—think about how different that sprint coulda gone.

 

 

KRISTOFF’S BIKE: 3 pts

This is what a sprinter’s bike should look like. I can’t stand rhinos and silly shit painted on a bike unless you’re Italian. If you’re Italian, airbrushing is a part of your culture—those dudes have been airbrushing snow leopards on their helmets for decades, so painted animals on their bikes are totes fine. But if you’re some boring-ass marginal-gainer and you think you’re gonna spice up your steez with a charging giraffe or something, you best check your power meter and drop off the back. But a traditional, home country flag bike scheme is legit. Yes, it’s been done, and no, it’s not that CRRAAÃZzy and it doesn’t involve cartoon animals (which I like everywhere else in life), but it’s tradition, and that is part of the essence of road cycling and an example of some things that need to stay around in cycling. When rad shit gets corrupted by charging giraffes, it’s GOT to GO.

 

 

TAO GEOGHEGAN HART: 3 pts

You gotta admire Axeon’s balls the whole race. Today it was Tao F*$king up the Katusha Kristoff Express with 1k to go. The rest of his teammates wisely backed down to the Pro Tourers queuing for the sprint, but Tao just jumped in 3rd wheel like it was nothing. A minute later he had thrown out the anchor and was drifting backward and was lucky to keep it upright, but still. That’s balls.

 

Standings After Stage 07

 

  1. Peter Sagan: 15 points
  2. Neilson Powless: 12 points
  3. Julian Alaphilippe: 12 points
  4. Ben King: 9 points
  5. Toms Skujins: 8 points
  6. Wouter Wippert: 7 points
  7. Peter Sagan: 7 points
  8. Nathan Haas: 6 points
  9. Jasper Stuyven: 6 points
  10. Axeon-Hagens Berman: 5 points
  11. Katusha: 5 points
  12. Vasil Kiriyenka: 5 points
  13. Oscar Clark: 4 points
  14. Rohan Dennis: 4 points
  15. Mark Christian: 4 points
  16. Dave Towle: 4 poimts
  17. Cannondale Team Car: 3 points
  18. Kristoff’s Bike: 3 points
  19. Laguna Seca: 3 points
  20. Tao Geoghegan Hart: 3 points
  21. Caps: 2 points
  22. Inflatable Cookies: 2 points
  23. T.Phin’s Shades: 1 point
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IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS YOU TOO COULD DIM THE POWER GRID
IVSanta Rosa Start
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VStage 07 By Moto
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VISanta Rosa Finish
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2016 American Tour of Kalifornia: Stage 07 SHARE Facebook Twitter
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