2016 Amstel Gold Race
road-racing

2016 Amstel Gold Race

Sunday - April 17, 2016 - The Netherlands

Amstel Gold, I’m told, was boring and lite-disappointing; but I didn’t see that, I saw an incredible high-speed spectacle.

TABLE OF CONTENTS MFS TEAM
Layer_9
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Owner/Operator, Photographer, Writer and Publisher
Layer_7
Ian Marshall
Staff Driver, Producer, Client, Hypeman
mfs_team_keiran
Keiran Best
Producer & Logistics Coordinator
Raoul's Dad! Martin Fixer
Additional Reinforcements Joel Sunderland Castelli Muscle
RACE BIBLE
START

Maastricht

FINISH

Berg en Terblijt

DISTANCE

248.7km

KOMS

n/a

SPRINTS

n/a

WINNING TIME

6:18:02

TOP 3 FINISHERS
  1. Enrico Gasparatto, Wanty – Groupe Gobert
  2. Michael Valgren, Tinkoff Team s/t
  3. Sonny Colbrelli, Bardiani CSF +0:00:04
TOP 3 GC STANDINGS

n/a

COURSE DESCRIPTION [OFFICIAL]

“Amstel Gold tackles 34 climbs across 258 kilometers, but all but the final few are mere meat tenderizers, designed only to soften up the legs of the professional peloton. The Cauberg (1.2km, 5.8%) is the site of Amstel’s real action and also serves as its finale. The race will pass over it four times, the first two early enough to be largely inconsequential. But the final two passes serve first to break up the peloton, and then to select the race’s winner. Amstel used to finish right at the top of the Cauberg, but now there’s a 1.2km drag after its peak. A rider who finds himself more than a few seconds off the back over the top has no chance of victory.”—VeloNews

MANUAL FOR SPEED BIBLE
TIME OF FILING

Again, not that relevant. Except, it’s Tuesday as I write this and tomorrow is Flèche Wallone. The week between Flanders and Roubaix we went to Paris. The week between Roubaix and Amstel Gold we went to Gent, which is to say we went nowhere. This week, the week between Amstel Gold and Liège–Bastogne–Liège, we have this extra mid-week race famous for it’s Mur in the town of Huy pronounced Hoo-eeee.

ACCOMMODATION

I LOVE THIS TOWNHOUSE I WANT TO LIVE HERE FOREVER BUT IT HAS PROBLEMS. For example, the light switches, there are too many of them, they have too many modes, and even after living here for the last two weeks, I can only get them to do what I want about 30% of the time. For light switches, that conversion rate is unacceptable, and, maybe, bordering on Practical Joke Status. Also, almost all of the very clean, very white, very recessed and fully-integrated doors in this building are handleless. So pretty! So well designed! So modern! Can’t open them! Which, when you’re a door, is a large part of your responsibility to the world. And our private parking spot, for which we are SO grateful, is behind a gate that can only be opened and closed with a remote control. Which is fine when the remote control works, which it did, flawlessly, until the morning of Amstel Gold when at 6:15am and ready to go, almost late, it stopped. Suddenly and without warning. The next ten frantic-as-fuck minutes of sensor-oriented hand waving, power cycling and battery shuffling was definitely a way to wake up. But so is drinking coffee. Still, this place is basically a spacious modern marvel.

WIFI DETAILS
At the risk of sounding critical, the wifi is a bit lusterless these days. I got interrupted/disrupted/booted no less than five times while watching Season 2 Episode 5 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: “Kimmy Gives Up.” I’m just glad I powered through because I laaaaove musical numbers—what?!, it’s true, don’t shame me, bro—and that siq-ass entendre about how Kimmy can’t give up Dong, so funny! The writing on that show, it’s good. Speaking of the wifi, Tunnel Bears, and Netflixing from Belgium, why is it that the internet here won’t work for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt BUT WILL work for American Odyssey, the dumbest TV show I’ve ever seen in my whole life (and that includes Hole in the Wall and Dating Naked: Playing for Keeps). Keiran and I watched three episodes, one after the other without interruption. Now we’re dumber AND HOOKED on the dumbest TV show ever made.
WEATHER
Storm clouds, isolated showers, incredible light, dazzling reflections, breezy, and at times an ominous and/or portentous air, like Something Wicked This Way Comes. Only, not unlike the race itself, it never really came.
NUMBER OF STEPS

18,070 steps, 8.8 miles.

TODAY'S OBJECTIVES

Find our driver, Raoul’s dad!!!!, Martin, at the start. See the race a million times. Oh, and now that we know it’s possible, see Kiel Reijnen and Nathan Haas at the start.

COURSE DESCRIPTION [UNOFFICIAL]

First, take a pair of regular headphones, preferably the all-white OEM jammers that come with whichever iPhone you currently have in your possession. Put the headphones in your sweatpants pocket for three days. Pull the headphones out—they should be a seemingly impossible tangled mess. Next, make a series of VERY narrow roads in exactly the same configuration as the headphones and drop the road-tangle onto The Shire. Voilà, that’s the course!

 

Then, round up all the residents of Brentwood, California and shoot them with a Hollandizer Ray Gun; you should see an immediate increase in scarves, cigarette-smoking, and metallic old lady sneakers but otherwise they should look about the same, then sprinkle them along the edges of your headphone-based roads, in particular next to hills, neighborhoods, woods and various Hotels and Inns. Give them all a yellow Lotto cap and something alcoholic to drink. Okay, you’re almost done. Now, take all the fondlers from a Grand Fondo, give them a cornucopia of pretend-high-end road bikes from brands nobody has ever heard of, and throw them into The Shire next to the headphones-based course and among the Brentwood, Netherlands residents. Tell them it’s imperative they see the race 12 times, even if that means riding everywhere in every direction at once, tell them it doesn’t matter if “that’s possible,” just do your best. And finally, add a World Tour Bike race peloton. Amstel Gold! Amstel Gold! Amstel Gold!

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #1

Amstel Gold is the best World Tour race to spectate by bike. Dear Everybody who loves watching professional bike racing as well as riding bikes: if you’re looking to plan a Classics or World Tour Race Pilgrimage, and you want to ride the race as well as spectate the race, LOOK NO FURTHER. Come to Amstel Gold. With a little bit of fitness and some basic understanding of how the race works, you can see it 12 times AND enjoy some of the same hills and landscape for which the race is known.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #2

Dutch mayonnaise is not as good as Belgian mayonnaise, it’s too sweet. I very casually said as much to Martin, Raoul’s dad!, to which he intimated such a statement was preposterous. Apparently there is no such thing as “Dutch mayonnaise,” apparently there are no less than 12 different kinds of mayonnaise currently in circulation throughout the Netherlands. In fact the town of Venlo, where Martin lives, produces their own flavor of mayonnaise. (It’s probably also too sweet.)

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #3

In the Netherlands peeing in public, outside and more or less on display, is not that cool. But in Belgium it’s 1000% cool, and ummmm, encouraged maybe. If you live in Gent and drive to Maastricht to follow Amstel Gold, you will cross back and forth across the border several times. Borders between European Countries are less distinct than the borders between American States. I’m sure you can see where we’re going with this. Point is, Ian may be wanted on Dutch Sex Offender charges. Whatever the case, it’s easy to see how and why dogging (if you don’t know what that is, don’t Google it at work, also, don’t Google it if you’re underage) is such a big deal over here.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #4

Running in Gent along the canals is a life-affirming experience. But but but but, running in Gent along those same canals with headphones on has the potential to be a death-affirming experience. I mean, there are traffic rules here. Guidelines. But, unlike in America, the primary modus operandi here is Efficiency & Flow—not Law & Law Enforcement. So while you may be running on the sidewalk on a one way street in the direction of traffic, you still can’t just blindly step off the curb without looking behind you because YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE what’s back there. Taxis, buses, trains, bikes, so many bikes, they’re all trying to get somewhere and they do not stop on principle, it’s def 1000% every man, woman and child for themselves out there. It’s not cold and malicious, it’s just efficient AF.

TODAY'S OBSERVATION #5

Hummus in Europe is better. Even the house brand at a Carrefour Express is better than the top-tier shit we have in a New Seasons or a Whole Foods. I’ve stopped trying to vibe out the packaging and marketing presentation like you have to do in America. If it says Hummus I grab it, it’s going to be good, maybe even great. You have no chance of getting Athenos’d here, it’s nice, it feels safe.

MEAL & FOOD REPORT

I feel so ashamed. It was 3:45 pm, the race was almost over, all I’d eaten so far was a vanilla yogurt, 17 latte macchiatos (15 of them from machines) and a Snickers, I was desperate, I’d been up since six in the morning, in the finish zone where I was stuck there was a frites stand, I had the time, I had cash (I NEVER HAVE CASH) and I had the motive. So I did it. Oh did I do it. I did it with an enormous dollop of inferior Dutch mayonnaise on top. Listen, yeah, sure, of course I did the thing where you say you’re just going to eat a few off the top and throw the rest in the trash. But… I just kept eating and eating. And eating. And at the very end there was this one little sad piece of shit fry stuck in the bottom of my pathetic inverted party hat of cone, so I jammed my fat fist right in there, getting salt and grease and globs of mayo all over the sides and back of my hand, as if there was no shame in my game. Oh, but there was. There is! There is shame in my game. I got the cone of frites though, and I ate it.
 
Also—thanks a lot—the other day Keiran bought a copy of The 500 Hidden Secrets of Ghent by Derek Blyth. Which is, no surprise, a book about the best everything of Gent/Ghent. Including bakeries. And, as it turns out, the best bakery in Gent is two doors,—NOT BLOCKS, DOORS!—down from our Award-Winning Dwell Apartment. And so now I have to eat Pain Au Chocolates every morning.

RETRACTIONS/CORRECTIONS/APOLOGIES

Today we have something special planned for you: Mormon Josh live-blogging his reading of our Paris-Roubaix Race Report, blow-by-blow style, in the form of a series of texts sent to my phone (at probably $3.40 a text). It’s a little bit like a retraction, a correction and an apology all rolled into one, with some added commentary.
 

  1. I cannot think of a better woman than a fine French lady who enjoys bike races and gets flow Haribo snacks. That is like the best woman.
  2. That finish was like the worst. Of the 5 guys, the one I don’t care about at all won.
  3. I need a woman who eats dinner alone in a red light district who wants to drive 6 hours to see me. Phil probably has a woman already AND he has Astrid. I just need one Astrid. Where will I find my Astrid?
  4. That Utah saints jam is BHT. Coon tail dangling is next level. Looking for some online now. You want me to ship yours to Portland or you wanna pick it up when we do ATOC?
  5. This Navajo blanket jacket with leather cuffs and collar is like a late 90’s Polo RRL vibe and it is ?????????.
  6. Did you call Klaus Dimitri? Did you hug him for me?
  7. Dear Klaus/Dimitri, yes I saw this moose knuckle.
  8. FYI, tell Dimitri that bike balls already exist ? and that I had already sent some of my friends the link. And that I’m sorry he wasn’t on that thread because then Klaus would know me as the bike balls spoiler. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bikeballs/bike-balls-bike-light
  9. Vegan beef jerky made me laugh too. But I thought he was going to eat off brand Latin chips he was taking along with him.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Fuk. I forgot and did my taxes instead. On it! Hasta mañana!"
-A professional athlete regarding a Fan Club. You know who you are! But shhhhhhh, it’s our secret because A) You did the Fan Club in the end anyway, and it’s great, and B) Your team probably doesn't want you using Spanish—I mean, swearing—in public. Also, not that MFS is “public” exactly but...
"If you have to eat a pocket, you hope it’s at least a warm pocket."
-Ian’s (outloud) thinking thoughts regarding the prospect of eating a cold Bifi Carazza Pizza Snack for the latest installment of I’ll Eat That.
"Never underestimate the power of Grace Jones."
-Club FM Disc Jockey
"I turn already the car."
-Martin (Raoul’s dad!!!!) Sturme, regarding the need for a TES, or Tactical Exit Strategy.
"Don't be fancy just get dancey."
-Pink, in "Raise Your Glass."
IRace Report

I watched a GoPro video of Paris-Roubaix highlights today. It was probably the same one that GoProBro worked on (yikes!). Anyway, it was really really really good. I hate myself for saying that. I’m not sure why, maybe because GoPros are like the rollerblading of photography and the wakeboarding of videography all at once. Which is crazy because videography is already the kitesurfing of photography. Which, really, if I’m being honest, what’s even more insane to think about is, photography is the mountain boarding of writing.

 

Anyway, I liked how well it was edited, and I liked how seamlessly and effortlessly, and convincingly, it immerses the viewer inside the race. Speaking of being in the race, Manual for Speed is never in the race. We’re at the race. That’s our POV, that’s always been our POV, it’s a good POV, we like it, this POV of ours. The curious thing about it—and maybe this is irony, maybe not, though it’s certainly counterintuitive at first glance, that’s for sure—is that we never know what’s happening in the race, despite being at the race. In countries where the race is covered live on the radio, and with a Raoul in the car to translate, you can follow along that way. Or on your phone, though that’s usually cost-prohibitive and even if it wasn’t, it requires a signal. So yeah, for hours and hours we know nothing. I mean, you get a sense of it when the race comes past, but that’s all you get, a sense. And we talk to people, other photographers, soigneurs, fans with transmitter radios, randos, whatever, it’s no big deal.

 

The best way to SEE the race for the race’s sake is at home. That is undeniable. Everybody agrees with this statement. If you want to see it unfold, if you want to see the various decisive moments, the crashes, the moves, if you want to see just how far out the break is (and watch it get reeled-in just in time, every time, except when it doesn’t, which is like a glitch in the Matrix), stay at home, watch on a TV. It’s better. To be at a race is to be in a bubble of time. In the morning, on the way to the start, invariably, we talk about how many times we’re going to see the race. The start, the finish, plus how many times?, at least one, never more than six or seven. And that’s fine, that’s our POV.

 

Apparently Paris-Roubaix was amazing but I didn’t know that until I got home that night. I mean, it was A STUNNING AND HEROIC FEAT FOR HOURS ON END that day. And I was there, I could see it, I saw it.

“The spectacle, the knife fight, the high-speed death march, it was all right there at my feet, like, RIGHT AT MY FEET, I just didn’t know (in real time) if it was technically and textbook-ly a remarkable bike race. Amstel Gold, I’m told, was boring and lite-disappointing; but again, I didn’t see that, I saw an incredible high-speed spectacle.”MFS

Like anything else it just comes down to perspective and point of view. Here is a short list of things that happened at Amstel Gold that were NOT televised. Things for which there is no GoPro Footy. I hope.

 

  1. I saw Nathan Haas on the start line, he told me he’s being sent to the Tour of Croatia, to get hardened or some such thing.
  2. I introduced Astrid to Jordan, Kiel’s wife, and subsequently an arrangement was made whereby Alex’s girlfriend and Kiel’s Dutch cousin and Jordan could all ride with Astrid to the Valkenberg.
  3. I argued with a race official-type person about whether or not it was safe to stand behind a very metal, very permanent, very giant pole and take photographs of the race when it came past. He was worried I would be hit by a team car. We argued about whether or not that was a valid and/or reasonable concern, eventually he gave up because I was init 2 winit, plus I was bored so I had nothing else to do but argue with him.
  4. We passed some caves. Martin, Raoul’s dad!, told us about a network of mountain bike trails in those caves. Apparently they go into a hill on one side and come out several miles later on the other side. I’m not sure I got that right, but that’s what I think he said.
  5. Change kept falling out of my pocket and into the crevice between the center console and my seat. It happened so many times. Big stuff too, the one and two Euro jammers. And each time it would make this thwack sound, it’s the same sound that the coin-operated coffee machines in the gas station make when you put change in them. By the end of the day I half-expected Martin, Raoul’s dad!’s car to dispense me a latte.
  6. I thought about the expression “puppy.” As in, “This puppy is ready to go.” Or, “Let’s see what this puppy can do.” WTF is up with that? Why puppies? It just doesn’t make ANY SENSE.
  7. I thought about, and experienced in a manner of speaking, how Amstel Gold is an Ardennes Classic that doesn’t take place in the Ardennes. It takes place in the bottom of the Netherlands where the country is only thirty kilometers wide, bordered to the east by Germany and to the west by the French-speaking part of Belgium.
  8. I got rained on.
IIToday's Highs & Lows
HIGH POINTS
  • Okay so this happened last week, but I forgot to mention it: Klaus says “wowee” a lot. Like six, maybe sixty, times a day. And it’s adorable.

  • This Italian cover of Gloria.

  • Ian almost finishing a non-alcoholic beer before realizing it was a non-alcoholic beer, even though “0.00%” was printed in HUGE letters right across the front of the can.

  • Ian getting the photo radar ticket flash on the E-40 doing 110 in a 70, in a construction zone, with Bryan Adams’ (Everything I do) I Do It For You, from the 1991 Romantic Action Adventure film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner, Christian Slater and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, on “Radio Nostalgie: La légende des années 70, 80 et 90.”

  • We have our own Radio Station!!! Manual for Speed has its own Radio Station! Somebody made us a Radio Station!!!!! Kinda. It’s on YouTube, and it’s really cool. It is, I think, a compilation of all our playlists accumulated over the last five or however many years. The best and the worst music has to offer! Mostly the worst! Thanks Sean!

LOW POINTS
  • Putting the electric kettle on the stove top. That’s not how electric kettles work.

  • I’ve thought about it, and I regret not buying that one gold fanny pack in Paris.

  • A bunny on a 4-lane freeway. Not moving, obviously too scared to move. Hunkered down between lanes. Still very much alive but clearly terrified. I almost cried. The scene was very upsetting. I hope that bunny made it. Bunny, dude, what were you doing there!??!?!

  • Ian getting the photo radar ticket flash on the E-40 doing 110 in a 70, in a construction zone, with Bryan Adams’ (Everything I do) I Do It For You, from the 1991 Romantic Action Adventure film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner, Christian Slater and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, on “Radio Nostalgie: La légende des années 70, 80 et 90.”

  • Public Bathroom tolls. It’s not the money. I don’t mind spending 50 cents or whatever. I get it, the bathrooms ARE cleaner, and to provide that, to maintain it, you need labor and labor costs money. But like, this change-based economy you’re running over here is tedious. Really tedious. Also, when I have to pee, like stopping at a gas station on the side of a freeway-bad, the last thing I want to do is look for and manage change. Also, why does Europe suddenly hate Visa? First you’re like, hey America, get the chip, it’s better, signatures are stupid. And we were all, ahhhh, okay yeah, that make sense, signatures ARE stupid. So then we got chips. And now you’re like, ummmm, yeah, about the chips, if it’s a Visa with a chip, we’re not into it. We don’t like Visa or Mastercard anymore. Which is like cool, I guess you don’t like money and America then, cool. Also, ugh, in France you can’t use a card for shit but in Belgium half of what you want, where you want it, can’t be purchased with cash. Guys, YOU SHARE A BORDER, get it together. And so now I’m pretty much just scared to pay (or pee), full-stop. So yeah, thanks Europe.

  • Dear Ben, we sorry that we didn’t go thrift store shopping with you and the gang in Genk. I’m not sure what happened. We woke up late. I was going to email but then I didn’t. And you didn’t. Then we edited photos all day. And ugh, the thought of driving to Genk from Gent. Side note: Did you get anything? What IS thrift store shopping like in Genk? Also, did we talk about the word Genk? We did right? Like, it sounds dank AF, in a bad way. Like some kinda super tragic venereal disease… or maybe it’s something fraternity brothers do to pledges… whatever it is, the word Genk freaks me out.

  • Housing a whole cone of frites and inferior mayonnaise.

BONUS HIGH POINT
Cobble Goblins Poster
$12.50

Here’s a bonus High Point for today: you can buy your very own Cobble Goblins poster, featuring art by Benjamin Marra. It’ll bring you one step closer to emulating Phil Gaimon’s life. Not in a creepy identity-theft kind of a way, in like a role-model kind of a way.

BONUS HIGH POINT
III"I'll Eat That"
with Ian Marshall

Hover over the numbers below for Ian’s tasting notes.

2016 Amstel Gold Race
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IVToday's Playlist
VMaastricht
Start, 0 km
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The Maastricht Treaty (formally, the Treaty on European Union or TEU), undertaken to integrate Europe, was signed on 7 February 1992 by the members of the European Community in Maastricht, Netherlands. In short people here really know how to get along with each other. See these two? They just met, but you wouldn't know it from their body language, so relaxed, so comfortable, so Maastricht.
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That moment when you realize you haven't dumped the images on your memory card and you have to make the decision to either keep the images from the Maastricht Glass Gnome and Elf exhibit or to lose them and try to get photos of this biking deal.
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It turns out Maastricht is full of Super Villains and their henchmen. Case in point.
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Hi Nathan!!!!!
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Oh heeeeeey Nate & Astrid!
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Pretty happy with how this photo of the Dutch Bobke turned out.
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Most of the time the world can feel like a wasteland, devoid of panache and empty of style. When a creature like this stumbles across your path, its stunning vibrance is only that much more notable.
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Henchmen. Obvs.
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#pals
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VIMeerssen
The Base of Lange Raarberg aka "Long Strange Climb", 19.7km
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VIISibbe
48.2km
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It has been proposed that Sibbe's name derives from the German word sippe, meaning a clan of a limited number of families. Another possibility is that the name derives from the Latin cippus, meaning "young forest." However, both explanations do not fit with the local pronunciation: Süp #Süp #Süp #Süp #Süp
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Clearly, these two have a tight program. No doubt the gentleman is an avid collector of 18th century nautical maps and the woman is a very successful rabbit breeder, known for the pedigree of her animals. They don’t vacation, because as they say, “When you’ve made your life a vacation why would you choose to leave it?” #Süp!
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#CHILLERING SO HARD. #Süp
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VIIILoorberg
Outside Slenaken, 78.6km
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Radler (German for "cyclist") has a long history in German-speaking regions. It commonly consists of a 50:50 mixture of beer and sparkling lemonade. The origin of the name is lost to time, but is presumed to relate to the popularity of cycling and the need for a refreshing, less-alcoholic beverage on the journey. Yeah, this all makes a ton of sense.
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IXGulpenerberg
For the River Gulpen, 135.1km
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We’re fairly positive that this gentleman is a baron of some sort. That he dabbles in the occult. That he’s sojourned through India and North Africa on a quest for meaning. That he’s sampled the world's most powerful hallucinogenics. That he’s been polyamorous for as long as he can remember. That he’s been collecting his fingernail clippings since returning from boarding school at 15. And that he believes his red corduroy jacket charges his mana with virility. We can’t be SURE, but really who can?
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This is the moment when you realize that what Kendall Jenner is wearing at #Coachella is far more important than some bike race. #OOTD #Fashion #Fitspo #SponsoredPost #Cute #Sexy
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Michael Jordan acknowledges that he got into the habit from watching his dad, who stuck his tongue out while working.
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XBemelem
177.2km
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Super Villains in repose.
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Travelers take note: although the Hotel Bergrust maintains high ratings on Trip Advisor, those who have difficulty/issues/fears of stairs should steer clear as it has been noted that there is an unusually steep staircase to the second floor.
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Super Villains EVERYWHERE!
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XIGulpen
197km
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XIIBerg en Terblijt
Finish, 248.7km
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Dutch beer brewer Amstel has served as the race's title sponsor since its creation in 1966. The name does not directly refer to the river Amstel, which runs through the city of Amsterdam. Take that, you stupid river.
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SUPER VILLAIN! SUPER VILLAIN! SUPER VILLAIN!
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#SUPERVILLAIN
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Yeah, that's what those picnic tables are for. You disgust me.
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A Typology of Legs
♫♫♫ The wheels on the peloton go 'round and 'round ♫♫♫
XIIIThe MFS Answering Machine
A Pilot Program

Manual for Speed is inside you, but how do you get inside us? Shouldn’t this, the world’s preeminent study of Contemporary Spectacle (Road Cycling), be a two-way street, maybe even a three- or four-way street? Why yes, we should. And now with The MFS Answering Machine, it is. I know what you’re thinking, it sounds great but how does it work? Here’s how it works:

 

  • Soon we will have an answering machine (from the ’80s!!!!!) hooked-up to a phone line.
  • It will be as easy as calling and leaving us a message!
  • But we don’t yet, so for now you will have to give @manualforspeed on Skype a call, let it ring for a bit, until you’re prompted to leave a message. Then leave your message.

 

I know what you’re thinking, wow, what a great system but who is it for?!

 

It’s for you. And you. And you. And you and you and you and you. Not you. And you you you you. It’s for everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except that one guy.

 

Okay, I can almost see the gears turning in there! You’re thinking, okay, I know how it works and who it’s for BUT WHAT IS IT FOR!?!?!?!?! It’s for:

 

  • Leaving comments.
  • Asking questions.
  • Making requests.
  • Sharing opinions.

 

It’s for whatever’s on your mind!!!!!!!! It’s a way to interact with Manual for Speed using your mouth words. It’s for making a candid, intimate and wholesome connection with everyone here at Manual for Speed. And the rest of the world too, if we publish it!

 

To get things started, here’s a call from Mormon Josh. See how easy it is?

“Dear Manual for Speed, will you please get a clip of Rigoberto Uran doing a Mick Jagger face and dance?”

 

—Joshua Rogers

Also, for further inspiration, take a look at these sample voicemail telegram questions:

 

  • Dear MFS, this is Tony Alabaster from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. I’m 33 years old and I’ve been racing bikes, Cat 3 now, for the last seven years. Since you’re headed to Liège–Bastogne–Liège this weekend, I was wondering, can you get a photograph of Tony Martin holding up a sign with my name on it?! Thanks, and let me know if you I owe you some money for sign materials! Jk jk jk jk, just use a napkin, whatever is fine!
  • Dear MFS, my name is Leonard Scott Chordkin but my friends call me The Scotter or Scott-Man. I live in Breckenridge, Colorado where I’m a DJ on a local college radio station, actually I just got fired but Ima get my job back, just gotta talk to Justin to explain the other night, soo nothing is really changing. My question is, can you ask someone at the UCI why they cancelled the best race in the world, the Tour of Colorado, I mean the USCAPASC or whatever it’s called? Thanks! Hi Mom!
  • Dear MFS: What Up fromm Denton, Texas. My name is Clay Partridge and I am just in love with what ya’ll guys are doing. You’re the bike race guys right? Hell man I have to tell you I didn’t know that these things could be so damn interesting. You’ve got your buildings, your people, your dogs, your butts, and to top it all off you got these folks in tight clothing going on bicycle parades! Nothing like it! My dog and I watch all your coverage. Keep it coming.
  • Hey MFS, Did you notice that the people in and around Maastricht have a serious Super Villain/Henchman vibe? I was there with a group of ladies on a Europe trip last summer after graduating college (GO BADGERS) and we were just totally weirded out by it. Anyway, my boyfriend Davy is a big cyclist, loves the stuff, and he said that you guys go to Maastricht all the time, so I thought I’d ask. Thanks Nelly Frankshaw :p
XIVSpring Classics (aka Cobble Goblins) Underwriters
Thank You!

For the next three weeks Manual For Speed is your Spring Classics Virtual Reality. Creating a three-week-long virtual reality requires a lot of support both emotionally, psychologically and financially. Our underwriters provide us with all of three and more. We cherish them because of it; won’t you cherish them too?


 

 

with additional support from:

 

2016 Amstel Gold Race SHARE Facebook Twitter
MFS NEWSLETTER SIGN-UP

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