Tour of Utah: Stage 07
road-racing

Tour of Utah: Stage 07

Sunday - August 10, 2014 - Park City

Guys, I'm not doing so hot. I think I might be clinically exhausted. Also it's a full moon, my girlfriend Keiran texted me about it, she said it's a Sturgeon Moon, I don't know what that means.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
RACE BIBLE
Start
Park City
Finish
Park City
Sprints
Kamas, Midway
KOMs
Wolf Creek Ranch, Empire Pass
WEATHER

86°F

Team
Daniel Wakefield Pasley & Ian Gabriel "An Unfair Advantage" Marshall
Number of Dead Deer Seen On The Side of the Road Today

One

IMFS Status Update

It’s 12:18 AM, there is a Viagra commercial on the LG flatscreen TV, I’m supposed to contact a doctor if I experience a sudden decrease or loss of hearing, also it turns out they have home delivery, I’m watching Louis, earlier I watched Shark Week and Monster, the depressing crime/biography film starring Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci about Florida serial killer Aileen Wuornos, KC Badger, a professional BMXer and Fly Fisherman is lying on the bed next to me, he’s sleeping, we’re sharing a bed because I checked out of the Grand America and into the Little America today and they gave me a room with only one bed, Ian got on a plane to Breckenridge, Colorado earlier this evening after we ate dinner at the Blue Iguana for the second night in a row, I had the Tinga Poblana plate again. Now, it’s 1:12 AM.
This morning we drove to Sugarbush to pick up a borrowed moto helmet (#thanksnate) on the way to Park City. At Park City, an hour before the race we went to Whole Foods where I purchased two pre-made chorizo breakfast burritos, one for now and and one for later. Each one cost $3.99. Then I went to the Walmart across the street to buy a pair of navy cotton sweatpants for $7.99 because you can’t ride the Photo Moto in shorts, regardless of which direction you intend on facing. I don’t think sweatpants are motorcycle-approved, at least not exactly, but they’re technically pants and I was fully prepared to convince anyone that asked that they were a combination Kevlar® and Schoeller® stretch-woven soft shell pant made by Outlier. It turns out that I am a medium even though I’m 6’2 and 231 pounds. At the start I ran into Tim Johnson. Tim is a professional Racer & Commentator. We discussed a Human Athlete Visual Showcase and/or a Manual for Speed Manual featuring Tim Johnson demonstrating Winter Training techniques in the frozen snow-covered mountains of Quebec such as 1.) chopping wood, 2.) shoveling snow, 3.) speed skating, 4.) extreme snowshoeing, 5.) caber toss, etc.
It’s now 1:50 AM. Guys, I’m not doing so hot. I think I might be clinically exhausted. Also it’s a full moon, my girlfriend Keiran texted me about it, she said it’s a Sturgeon Moon, I don’t know what that means. I thought a sturgeon was a prehistoric dinosaur-type fish that gets really long, like thirty-seven feet on average give or take a foot. KC is still sleeping. He’s here in Salt Lake City because we’re going Fly Fishing & Exploring in southern Oregon on the Owyhee River for Yonder Journal starting tomorrow, which is technically today. Also, I definitely just got caught up watching Jack and Dianne, which I think is a coming of age movie about two young women falling in love with each other. The thing is, there is some kind of nose bleed and monster (like scary monster) metaphor thing going on, which made the movie, which movie I had never heard of until this evening, difficult to understand. At any rate, that movie is over. Now I’m watching that movie about the IRA starring Daniel Day-Lewis. Which reminds me, I’m very sad due to the fact I left my copy of Team of Rivals at home on the night stand. I was almost finished. That book is like 800 pages long and I was almost finished with it. Daniel’s dad in this movie is the old Irish dude with a big nose that’s in every Irish movie ever made. I think this movie is called In the Name of the Father.
At any rate, shortly after encountering Tim Johnson I heard Dave Towle say over the PA to the roughly 3,000 or so race spectators:

 

“Are you ready Spaceship Park City, are you ready to launch this race into Outer Space!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a reason these guys are called Intergalactic Space Gladiators of the Space Road and you're about to see why. Right here. Right now. Right in front of your eyes. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. And BLAST OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!”Dave Towle
And then the race started.
There were some hills. And lots of Aspen groves. And then Empire Pass where very near the top I almost got ran over by a smiling Chris Horner followed VERY quickly by a resolute looking Tom Danielson. On the way down to Park City we got stuck behind the Barricade Collecting Truck and my brakes started smoking.
Right now, Daniel just signed a forced confession because one of the detectives threatened to shoot his father. Now they’re in court.

 

It’s 2:22 AM.

IIPre-Race
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Subway is among the fastest growing franchises in the world, with 42,252 restaurants in 107 countries. Subway refers to their employees as Sandwich Artists®.
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Google results for "white denim shorts": About 27,700,000 results (0.37 seconds).
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Self-reference is often sited as being a key component of postmodernism.
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"Cadel, do you like my jeans, and their front zippered pocket?"
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The following question received eleven answers on Yahoo Answers: "Are white fishnets tacky/unusual for a bride to wear?" In case you are wondering, the top rated answer (given by giovanni9686) is that they are not.
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IIIAlong the Course
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Utah State symbol: The Beehive (which symbolizes thrift and industry).
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Levan is a town in Utah. It's name is "navel" spelled backwards. That's because it's in the middle of Utah.
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Utah State animal: The Rocky Mountain Elk.
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Utah State fish: The Rainbow Trout.
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The television series "Touched by an Angel" is filmed in Utah
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The average snowfall in the mountains near Salt Lake City is 500 inches.
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Sightings of a Bigfoot-like creature in the woods near Sundance, Utah have been reported over the last three years.
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One of the earliest buckles was found in a 7th century grave at Finglesham, Kent. It features the image of a naked warrior with two spears.
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Flavio De Luna: Born on 24, January 26, 1990. Hometown:Aguascalientes, Mexico. Hobbies: water skiing, playing the piano.
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Jure Kocjan. Personal Interests/hobbies: Family and vintage bikes
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Matt Cooke. Favorite movie: Pumping Iron.
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Riddell specializes in sports equipment for American football. Its headquarters are located in Rosemont, Illinois.
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"The horse head mask is a latex mask representing a horse head manufactured by novelty purveyor Archie McPhee. The mask covers the entire head and was originally worn as part of a Halloween costume, or at other times to be funny, shocking, incongruous, or hip, or to disguise one's identity. It has become an internet meme."
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I really think that's Jamey Driscoll.
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