Tulsa Oklahoma is so hot and so humid, just being alive makes you sweat. Especially if you’re alive outside. And/or thinking. And/or breathing. And/or racing bikes. That’s why Manual for Speed visited La Sweat at their Host House in Tulsa, Oklahoma. We wanted to learn more about sweating from the experts, or Sweatperts! Keep in mind LA Sweat is uniquely qualified to answer questions about sweating because:
- They’re called LA Sweat.
- They are humans that are alive.
- Humans are mammals, and mammals sweat.
- They are experts at FUN, FRIENDS, ROADS, HEALTH, TECHNOLOGY, AND SWEAT
- They are in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
- They race bikes.
Criteriums are how we race bikes in America. At their best they are a NASCAR Rodeo; bright, loud, drunk, raw, savage. And fast, so fast. Exhilaratingly fast. Feel the wind and the whoosh when they come past fast. At their worst, they are dangerous and depressing, anemically spectated, under appreciated; a boring circle-sport only mildly entertaining for the racers and maybe a commendably committed partner and/or family member. Whatever the reality is, on any given day #crits are as close to a bona fide fist fight as cycling gets anymore. From Saturday Night Lights and small town America to the remaining handful of privateers still making the circuit in their Subaru Brats and Honda Civics make-or-break-winnings-style, American Criteriums are where Gladiators of the Streets come to turn themselves inside out for your entertainment.11And for the glory. And for the primes, when the primes are cash and not a box of expired Clif Bars (WE’RE CLOWNING BUT SERIOUSLY, WE LOVE CLIF BARS!!!!!!). And for a reason to visit a town like Walterboro, South Carolina.
At any rate, we visited LA Sweat privately and candidly, we asked them poignant questions, and they had a few important things to SHOW AND TELL about sweating. Here’s what we learned. First of all don’t avoid sweating, it’s rad, Sweating is cool, as counterintuitive as that sounds. Sweating is hot. Sweating helps you regulate your body temperature, especially if you’re a mammal. Regulating your body temperature is important if you’d like to continue living, especially if optimum physical performance is how you make that living. Keep in mind sweat is not an infinite commodity, so if you need to save up some sweat, because say for example, you’ve got a really big bike race later in the day, then you need to obey the TEN COMMANDMENTS OF SWEAT! It’s just that simple.
The TEN (PRE-RACE) COMMANDMENTS OF SWEAT
- Cut your hair.
- Do boxing.
- Iron your clothes.
- Do stationary warm-ups.
- Look at art.
- Spend time in the bathroom.
- Play with water.
- Give & receive manicures.