2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 01

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 01

Monday - March 9, 2015 - Saint-Remy-Les-Chevreuse

Yesterday was a Sunday, today is a Monday, when do Businesses in France do Business? Do the French value commerce? Do the French trade goods and services with each other?

11:00 AM, Saint-Remy-Les-Chevreuse
4:30 PM, Contres
196.5 km
Winning Time

The town of Contres, about 2 hours southwest of Paris, was voted “Most sporting town in the Centre Region” award in 2007 and 2012.  The race finished at avenue du Général de Gaulle, à l’extremetié d’une ligne droite finale de 1,000 mètres dont 500 mètres à vue.

Distance de l'arrivée
900 mètres
7 mètres
48°F, overcast/crisp with moments of blinding cloudy-sun-haze.
Course Overview

The race starts in a village-town. Then it goes down a street on which it periodically passes through other village-towns, but mostly it just goes through a very flat semi-green field until it finishes in the last village-town approximately 200 kilometers up the road from the first village-town. And at this point it goes past this, like, castle called Chambord Castle.

Current Location

La Terrasse d’octave in Saint-Aignan aka the best apartment rental in France. Please see Chapter XIV, below.

MFS Team

Ian Gabriel Marshall, Raoul “The Potato Chasser” Sturme, Keiran Elaine Best and Daniel Wakefield Pasley.

Today's Number of Steps
5,806 vs. Yesterday's 16,103.
Today's Objective
The race I guess.
Today’s Only Noteworthy (Even This One is Questionable) Observation

The 18-wheelers (lorries) in France (in all of Europe really) have lots of flair.

Today's Observation in Progress

Yesterday was a Sunday, today is a Monday, when do businesses in France do business? Do the French value commerce? Do the French trade goods and services with each other?

Today's Least Interesting Observation

Manual for Speed counted a total of three living spectators in the town of Pruneville.

Today's Prayer

Goes to Alex Howes, Manual for Speed is sorry you got crashed-out today. When we emailed you about it and you said—Got an Instagram pic out of it so it’s all good—that was funny, and it made us #respect you even more.

Today's Note to Self

If there is no obvious advantage of one village-town over another in regards to stopping to watch/photograph the race as it passes, and there isn’t in this part of France, then choose a village-town that has reliable cell phone service, as this is a village-town’s #unfairadvantage.

Today's One to Grow On

High Visibility Safety Worker Vests are so prevalent slash nearly ubiquitous in this part of Europe it’s easy to confuse common workers like painters and plumbers with race officials and staff, which can and will lead to uncomfortable/lengthy/difficult/unproductive/awkward conversations.

Today’s Hint About Tomorrow’s Start Area
“A visit of the ZooParc de Beauval will be possible at 09:45 AM.”Fabrice, ASO Media Director
  • At approximately 12:35 PM this afternoon we exited the A-10 at Aire Des Plains du Beauce, and there was a PAUL.

  • Due to unforeseen logistical setbacks (see Shower Adventures) and various other issues and confusions, Manual for Speed arrived at the start area with three minutes and 45 seconds left to photograph the start area before needing to leave the start area.

IAt Breakfast Today

Raoul claims he heard wolves “crying” (howling) in the woods behind Downtown Alley.

IIShower Adventures Episode Two: The Seated Shower
  1. What is is a Seated Shower? A Seated Shower is a half-shower, half-bathtub hybrid that doesn’t require (allow for) standing. Because the shower head is located roughly 19 inches above the kneeling/seating surface the user can simply sit under the flow of water, there’s no need to stand, in fact you can’t. That’s the whole point!
  2. The Seated Shower is perfect for training. If all you’ve ever done is bathe, showers can be intimidating. The seated shower provides an intermediary step. Which means beginners have a chance to familiarize themselves with the mechanics of a shower head without the fear of slipping and/or falling.
  3. The seated Shower is perfect for adult babies. For more information on adult babies please click here.
  4. The seated shower is perfect for the elderly and handicapped.
  5. The seated shower is perfect for sex acts. Especially otherwise “messy” sex acts.
IIIAn Enumerated Summary of the Paris-Nice Website’s Stage 1 Race Summary
  1. The peloton leaves Saint-Rémy-lès-Chevreuse without Geoffrey Soupe (Fra-Cofidis), appointed pilot fish Nacer Bouhanni (Fra-Cofidis), still feverish and therefore not up for that first step.
  2. Hivert voluntarily quits his adventure in the front, after a race during which time only 33 kilometers were covered. If he does not believe in its prospects, a teammate, Anthony Delaplace takes over and leaves the peloton at km 38, followed by Thomas Voeckler.
  3. On a reaction of pride, however, they manage to surprise the peloton momentarily on acceleration and reassemble their advantage to 2′.
  4. Just after packing engaged less than 20 kilometers from the line, the progression of the pack is barely interrupted by the fall of Tom Boonen, who left the race with a damaged left arm.
  5. The scenario of the stage Contres, promised to sprinters, has not escaped the forecast, although the final was disrupted by the fall and the abandonment of Tom Boonen, who offered respite and some hope the two escapees of the day, Thomas Voeckler and Anthony Delaplace.
  6. The sprint then confirmed the current domination of Alexander Kristoff, which we measure the progress since the 2014 Paris-Nice.
  7. This year, he continued his show of strength in the long term: after 4 victories in the Tour of Qatar and Tour of Oman, Kristoff seizes her first bouquet with a nice head start on Nacer Bouhanni.
  8. Michal Kwiatkowski retains the overall lead.
IVA Typological Guide to the Paris–Nice Team Sponsors

I know what you’re thinking: over 63% of the time, Professional Road Cycling Team Names are just made up words that have no relationship to reality. You’re thinking that maybe it’s because the URL was available, or possibly it’s an obscure reference to the team owner’s childhood nickname, or maybe it’s just an acronym (i.e. Call Owen For Insane Deals Inside Slovenia) or something right? But it can’t be the name of something real, because nothing real would ever be so boring and uninspired. Well that’s just not true; it turns out that a little under 103% of the time, Team Names are adopted (literally and with zero interpretation) from their Title Sponsor(s) who are invariably business companies of one sort or another. For example Call Owen For Insane Deals Inside Slovenia—it turns out that Cofidis is actually a French money-lending company. I know what you’re thinking, wait, how could the world lack THAT much imagination?, especially when it has implications regarding the branding of a professional sports team? That’s certainly a worthy and interesting question, albeit one which we may never know the answer to. But, now that we know Team Names are NOT meaningless nonsense words, let’s take a look at the 2015 Paris-Nice Team line-up11Thanks to Klaus for the breakdown below. from this new perspective.

The 20 Teams of Paris–Nice
Regrettably, five teams failed to show up for Monday's Team Car Lookbook Photoshooting.

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01 Ag2r-La Mondiale: Savings and insurance.
02 Astana: Several Kazakh-owned companies.
03 Bretagne-Seche Environment: Local government and recycling.
04 BMC Racing Team - Bicycles. Name originally stood for "Bicycle Manufacturing Company."
05 Team Cannondale-Garmin: Bicycles, satellite navigation.
06 Cofidis: Sub-prime loans.
07 Etixx-Quick Step: Nutritional supplements and laminated flooring (Etixx-Quick Step did not report to the photoshoot).
08 Team Europcar: Car rental.
09 FDJ: French lottery.
10 Team Giant-Alpecin: Bicycles and caffeine shampoo.
11 IAM Cycling: Fund management.
12 Katusha: Energy and defense.
13 Lampre-Merida: Rolled steel and bicycles (Lampre-Merida did not report to the photoshoot).
14 Team Lotto NL-Jumbo: Lottery and supermarket.
15 Lotto-Soudal: Lottery and caulking.
16 Orica-Green Edge: Chemicals and explosives; Green Edge is a placeholder until the team can get another sponsor (Orica-GreenEdge did not report to the photoshoot).
17 Movistar: Mobile telecommunications (Movistar did not report to the photoshoot).
18 Tinkoff-Saxo: Credit cards and banking.
19 Team Sky: Telecommunications.
20 Trek Factory Racing: Bicycles.
VParis–Nice Stage 01 Playlist by Sensa FM
VIRaoul's Race Forecast Presented by A Typology of Raoul and French Front Doors

Raoul’s Stage 1 Race Prediction


First Place: Alexander Kristoff

Second Place: Andre Greipel

Third Place: Nacer Bouhanni




Stage 1 Race Reality


First Place: Alexander Kristoff

Second Place: Nacer Bouhanni

Third Place: Bryan Coquard

VIIStart: Saint-Remy-Les-Chevreuse
Find me a rider in the pro peloton taller than Stijn Vandenbergh and I'll eat my hat.
The French are just so... #FRENCH.
These arrows may cause dizziness.
IX80 Kilometers Intermission & Extreme Boredom
After this photograph was taken the dude in the red and white striped shirt walked over to where I was standing, posted-up no more than three feet behind me, and farted, loud and shamelessly. He was vibing proud and strong and wearing a striped shirt. The fart felt like a warning shot across my bow, like, "Hey you can take my photo, thats cool, but then if you do, it's on."
Here is a POV video of someone driving a Peugeot 205 Sacré Numéro.
Also, five minutes later I caught him using the trunk of a Mercedes Stations wagon as a tripod for his iPhone. Which iPhone he keeps in a leather case.
XIRoad to Contres
THAT is a castle.
I talked to this gentleman for about eight minutes. He doesn’t speak English, and I made it clear that I don’t speak French, but that didn’t stop this dude. Nope, not one bit. He told me about all kinds of shit. I don't know what, but I know for certain it was good shit, he just looks like the kind of dude that tells you good shit, about who got arrested for shoplifting and who’s having who’s baby and about the metal he has in his head from the accident, and about how he’s stealing cable from neighbor but don’t tell the neighbor because everybody knows the neighbor isn't really from this town anyway. Also, he might have been asking for a cigarette, how am I supposed to know? I told you, I don’t speak French. And really the whole time I was like dude, you remind me of a sea lion or maybe a walrus—that is if a walrus was inclined to hang halfway out a basement window to watch a bike race go past, not that a walrus wouldn't be inclined to do that, but listen, seriously, you’re like a really friendly sea lion in a blue sweater. #life #blessed #travel
XIIIA Piecemeal 360° View from the Roof of the Best Apartment in France
Saint‐Aignan, Loir-et-Cher Department
La Terrasse d'Octave 14 Rue Anatole France, 41110 Saint‐Aignan Booking.com Listing (Opens in a new tab.)

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