Once at the top and through the deviation, and parked and sorted out as to where the finish was, and where the soigneurs will stand, and where we needed to be, and then with an hour to go before the finish, Emiliano and I left the barricades and walked around.SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTLike art? Like cycling? The MFS Artist Residency was designed with YOU in mind. Hunting & Stalking for photographs. And food/water/drinks which we found in a parking lot through one of the official Tour concession stands. It was a stand-up bar counter outdoor situation but it had a roof which provided shade so we decided to dine in. I accidentally put sugar on my fries thinking it was salt because my fries needed salt and I watched a guy open what I thought was a salt packet and sprinkle the contents onto his fries. And I mean, nobody puts sugar on fries right?, not even in France? Anyway, I ate most of the fries anyway because #fuckit and my sausage roll was delicious and unsweetened so all in all it was a lovely culinary experience.
“It tasted a lot like, I imagine, what a French Baseball game would taste like. Which come to think of it isn't cycling a French Baseball game?”DWP
Anyway then we met Lisa who works at Medeo Fencing Club in Bridgewater, New Jersey. Lisa said there were three fencing disciplines; epee, saber, foil. She went on to explain that Emiliano would be better at epee because he is methodical and analytical. And that I would be better at sabre because I was ruled by emotions and intuition. Then she pointed to a short gentleman eating fries over by a rock and said he looks like a foil type to me. We said oh yeah, how come? She said because he’s petite. We nodded in agreement because he was in fact short. She said you need to be petite and precise. I nodded and said oh yeah okay sure, thinking the whole time I don’t know how precise he is he just put sugar on his fries.
On the way up the mountain I was hungry and desperate for food. I tried to eat the Hot and Spicy pringles Emiliano purchased yesterday but while they tasted “okay”, they smelled so bad I couldn’t stop retching. At that very moment, right as we were pulling into the Deviation, the Haribo candy man threw several sample-sized bags of Haribo candy into the open driver’s side window and straight onto our laps. A lot of it was the European mix stuff that is all but inedible, but some of it was the good stuff: sour candies, gummy bears, etc.
Our hotel room is keyless. We have keyless entry.
The crowds on the climb are so dense and intense. I think eventually they will give me panic attacks but for now it feels like a really intense and really exciting War Torn Failed State US Embassy reenactment Live Action Role Playing game. I think as the climbs escalate throughout the Tour so will the crowd-on-car ecstasy-cum-violence. I fully expect to be rocked, robbed of magnets, sprayed, ridiculed, obstructed, aggressed, ridden, blocked, ejaculated on, etc.
Emiliano went through proper channels at MTN-Qhubeka to organize a photograph of KOM Daniel in front of the fountain inside the Hospitality area near sign-in. On the way over to the fountain from the Team Bus (20 feet tops) Daniel Teklehaimanot drew so much attention from other photographers and ENG Bros that Emiliano was pushed-out and blocked from taking the shot he coordinated.
On the way up the mountain a French teenager behind the barriers threw what I thought was water onto our windshield and partially into my open window. Whatever it is wasn’t water because it didn’t dry right. Maybe it was soda? Vodka? Beer? Acid? Whatever it is, fool me once shame on you, you piece of shit fuckwad fake-ass bozo terrorist. Next time I’ll stop, hold you down and pee on you. Or report you to the authorities. Or take a picture of your asscrack and mail it to Jonathan Vaughters.
One of the benefits of staying at a hotel versus an AirBnB are the breakfasts. One of the KEY advantages of continental buffet-style breakfasts is the opportunity to pack a lunch. Especially in Europe where invariably the breakfast spreads feature bread, cheeses and meats. Otherwise known as a sandwich, or “pocket ham” (PHACU). This morning I watched Emiliano make a hefty pocket ham. I even said out loud, man that ham looks damp and sweaty. I don’t think I’m going to make one of those, but I will probably regret it. I 100% regretted not taking a pocket ham up the mountain.
Manual for Speed wants (needs!?) a portrait of Phil Liggett to complete our study of the Tour de France. Also and maybe more importantly, the New Yorker Photo Instagram needs that photograph. Through legal albeit clandestine means MFS was able to get Phil’s email address. Our email to him is published below for your BTS enjoyment. If you feel compelled to aid us in our pursuit of Phil please send him (positive) encouragement via twitter.
We are covering the Tour de France for The New Yorker Magazine. They want us to provide a studied, comprehensive and intimate look at the TDF. Your are The Symbol of the Tour de France, as such, no photographic study of the race would be complete without a portrait of you. Together with Paul if possible. We need 5 minutes, tops. No lights, stands, tripods or set-up. It’s a still photograph. No video. No questions. No interview. Obviously we can do it when and where it’s most convenient for you. We would need to do it before Saturday the 18th.
Nous ne sommes pas un parking.11We are not parking. Nous sommes arrêtés ici pendant cinq minutes pour prendre une photo.22We stopped here for five minutes to take a photo. Nous allons les locaux vacants immédiatement après l' compléter le système de nos exigences photographiques.33We’ll vacate the premises immediately after the completion of our photographic requirements. Nous avons tiré hors de la route dans l'intérim dans un effort pour éviter l'obstruction.44We pulled off the road in the meantime in an effort to avoid obstructing anyone/thing.
There are 97 Starbucks in France and 93 of them are in Paris. The Tour de France is also in Paris but obvs only on the last day. That means 99.999999876% of the Tour de France is Starbucks-less. No big deal right? WRONG. France is bad at coffee and the internet, and coffee and the internet are invaluable tools for properly documenting a Bicycle Race. So what then, submit? Quit and fly home? Learn to document a bike race without the proper tools? No. Adapt because adapting, as every dinosaur will tell you, enhances the fitness and survival of individuals. Especially individuals traveling in France. Extra especially individuals traveling & WORKING in France. Sounds great right?, but how do you do it, how do you adapt? It’s simple: just do everything you normally do at Starbucks in a McDonald's.55Except eat. Manual for Speed does not condone eating solid food at a McDonald’s. Yogurts, parfaits, ice creams, etc. do not fall under this rule. In addition to meeting your coffee (trust us!) and internet needs here’s why it works:
1. First things first. McDonald’s McCafe line of espresso-based beverages is surprisingly adequate especially following re-calibration.66The coffee in France, general speaking, tastes burned and bad. While traveling in France one’s GOOD/BAD COFFEE baseline becomes re-calibrated, presumably in self-defense and in an effort to cope.
2. WeFee is reliable and free.
3. McDonald’s in France are clean, modern and decidedly middle-class.
4. They are air-conditioned.
5. They have workspace.
6. You can navigate to them easily.
7. They are open early and late.
8. They are nearly everywhere.
9. You can order using multilingual kiosks.
- 9:00 AM: Still sleeping.
- 9:35 AM: Continental Breakfast.
- 11:00 AM: Arrive at the start.
- 12:55 PM: Leave avant la course.
- 1:30 PM: Stop 10 km from the start on a moderate incline.
- 1:35 PM: Abandoned that position for a corn field 17 km from the start.
- 2:05 PM: Speed to the finish.
- 4:30 PM: Make it to the finish 1.5 hours ahead of the race.
- 5:30 PM: Meet Puckbuddy.
- 10:00 PM: Make it home.
Private Collection Vol. 2
- 1 Mura Masa When U Need ME
- 2 Majical Cloudz This is Magic
- 3 Slow Magic Girls
- 4 DCUP I’m Corrupt (Peking Duk Remix)
- 5 BenZel feat. Ryn Weaver Touch
- 6 Danny Scrilla Magellanic Clouds
- 7 Ca$h Out Cashin Out
- 8 Odesza feat. Madelyn Gran Sun Models
- 9 Reinhard Voigt Rachanee
- 10 Slumberjack Horus
Designed by Mike Perry. More information HERE. ACT FAST!!! We have a limited stock in Sm, Med, Lrg, and XL of this jersey available NOW, and we’ll ship your order immediately. Additional orders will be taken as a PRE-ORDER. Orders close on August 1st, 2015. Expected delivery is the end of October.
- The Château d’Orleix is located 6 km north of Tarbes in the Hautes-Pyrenees.
- It has a terrace and a spa and wellness with steam room, sauna and jacuzzi.
- Individually decorated rooms come with flat-screen TV with over 100 international channels and Wi-Fi. Each has a spacious private bathroom.
- A continental breakfast is served daily in the elegant dining room of the castle.
- Reservations can dine in the restaurant or in the comfort of your room.
- The residence also has a gym and a 24/24 with free Wi-Fi.
- Beauty treatments as well as relaxing massages are offered on reservation 24 hours in advance. There is a golf course 11 km away and a horse riding center only 1 km.
- The property has a seminar room and offers study days. Room equipped with a flipchart, big screen projection for PC, wifi connection.
- The Château d’Orleix provides free private parking on site. It is easily accessible by the A64 and you reach Lake Bours just 5 minutes by car. Tarbes Train Station is 6 km away, while Tarbes airport is 17 km.”
Manuel Mobilizes, Mounting a Mercedes Motoring to Mountains