I don’t know about you but I’m getting tired of these things. I mean, in some ways, it’s proof that the Tour de France is the Greatest Sporting Event in the History of the World. What other sport lasts this long? I mean people talk about cricket, five day matches or whatever. Five days, piece of cake. Tennis? Not even close. The Dakar Rally? Nope it’s only thirteen days and they use engine-cars. Think about it, what other sport has month-long competitions? There isn’t one because no other sport is as stupid as cycling. Cycling is the stupidest sport in the world. Everything else as stupid as cycling has been cancelled or modified or mitigated or subjugated or neutered on some level. Not cycling, not the Tour de France! It’s as barbaric today as it was one thousand years ago. Or whenever it started.
Speaking of which, can we talk about the Alps? I don’t know how these mountains work but they have an individual quality to them. Most mountains are like peaks built onto the back of one big solid hump of rock that stretches for hundreds of miles in every direction. Not the Alps, nope. They’re like individual buildings. Like the skyscrapers in New York. They have the verticality of buildings too, which is what must give them that scale thing they’re so famous for. If you look over the edge and straight down you’re basically looking at sea level.
Speaking of edges I was pushed several times today. Even spectating is a competition, a battle. People take it maybe too seriously. It’s been a LONG TIME since a complete stranger casually pushed me in the back with both hands and thought it would okay. It wasn’t okay. I almost fell over. I almost dropped my camera. I wasn’t stopping to block his shot. And dude, dont fucking touch me even if I was, let it go. I did, I moved on to the other side of the climb where a dude with iPad also assaulted me and touched me non-consensually. It’s too much. The Tour de France is too much. I can’t win.
All this talk of winning reminds me, today we watched Nibali win. From a McDonald’s back on the ground in the direction of our Alpe. I’ve forgotten how much I love watching the finish of a race because it’s been so long since I have. In every way today was the first day we actually saw the race. On a TV in a McDonald’s. It was amazing, this race looks amazing. Plus, cycling, are you fucking kidding me? Do you see the way these guys go down murderous roads and go up skyscrapers without an elevator and just a stupid bike?
Digital print on white American Apparel 2001 t-shirts (images are of mock-ups, final design size/position may differ slightly). Limited edition. This listing is a pre-order, delivery is expected in mid-August.
25 bucks by Danny Brown feat. Purity Ring while surfing the race down an Alpe.
Running into Mr. and Mrs. Raoul on Col de la Croix de Fer!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having a nose-to-nose altercation with a spectator, looking up midway through shouting into his face something along the lines of You Better Back the Fuck Off and realizing I was being videoed, all celebrity-misbehaving-style. The altercation wasn’t a high point, the altercation sucked. But being videoed while behaving at my worst was oddly a high point. I’m not sure I could explain why.
This morning’s austerity breakfast. Our breakfast tasted like, and felt like, and vibed like, how sometimes a nice family on a farm will feed a wandering homeless person or two down on their luck. The farming family says “I’m not sure I should, but just go around back and I will give you some bread and a cup of coffee but then you will need to be on your way.”
Using a laundry bag for a pillow.
Spectators refusing to let us move their bikes three feet in order to pull off the course and park
Getting pushed with two hands in the back by a guy while walking up the course.
Getting shoulder-checked by a guy with an iPad while walking down the course.
We walked to today’s stage on the Mollard from our apartment, a converted 1849 barn.
We found a Flemish shanty town with awesome beer, people, and bass-tacular techno.
Seriously this was like a random Andrew WK-level party on the climb.
Watching the publicity caravan take hand-ups. It seems they have an established exchange arrangement: Cochonou sausages for beer. Multiple Lotto-Soudal cars also stopped for a beer.
I’ve already collected 5 of the 6 free hats the caravan distributes daily.
A drunk Flemish guy tried on the Bottle boy costume and ran around yelling about how the suit smells like “American Sweat.”
The Lotto-Soudal team dances to techno on climbs more than any other team.
Three Brits we met were dressed as foxhunters.
Walking to the stage from our apartment was rough. Not as bad as riding, but walking 6 km uphill with the bottle bag wasn’t great.
I tried to ride the Col de la Croix de Fer this morning but the gendarmes were kicking people off bikes at 10 AM. No good. I walked a mile through town in S-Works shoes and Speedplay cleats before I gave up.
Another day went by and I failed again to get one of the coveted Bic cycling caps.
Typing these High Points & Low Points on my phone because of weefee problems.
I’m living on Madeleines and Cochonou sausages.
- Do you like to twerk?
- We are credentialed media. We would like to pass.
- I want to stand here for only 5 minutes. I will leave immediately after.
- Don't smile!
- Can I park here?
- What is the wifi password?
- I'm sorry police officer, I do not understand.
- I like your hat!
- Where can I find sunblock?
- This food is inedible.
- Sparkling water, please.
- 1 Tanlines Abby
- 2 Blood Orange Uncle Ace
- 3 WhoMadeWho Greyhound
- 4 Brian Eno x Nicolas Jaar x Grizzly Bear Sleeping Ute
- 5 Danny Brown feat. A$AP Rocky & Zeloop Kush Coma
- 6 Majical Cloudz Illusion
- 7 Matthew Dear Overtime
- 8 Future feat. TI Magic
- 9 Danny Brown feat. Purity Ring 25 Bucks
- 10 Miguel feat. Wiz Khalifa Adorn (Remix)
- 11 Major Lazer feat. Pharrell Williams Aerosol Can
- 12 Tomas Barford Aether
- 13 Gonjasufi The Blame
- 14 Möwe Blauer Tag
- 15 Saint Michel I Love Japan
- 16 Niki & The Dove The Fox